Humming & Buzzing: We're Moving!

Good News Readers,

We’re changing locations. With all the trouble we’ve had with commenting etc, and the simple need to strike out on our own to seriously pursue this as something that The Birds and the Bee’s Staff can say is to be taken seriously, we first begin taking ourselves more seriously… and the readers as well.

We’ve moved our blog to BirdBeeHumBuzz.com. A much simpler URL, for sure. The logo segment you see attached to this Blogspot account, the B&B twitter (@Brdsandbees), and even our Facebook page was a teaser for the final move to our own website over which The Birds and The Bees’ Staff will have greater ability to control our blog and more importantly better ability to allow you to interact with and through our blog. This Blogspot will be maintained for small things. We have ideas. But from now on BirdBeeHumBuzz.com is the new site for The Birds & The Bees Do More Than Hum & Buzz.

So without any further hesitation, we give you BirdBeeHumBuzz.com! And for those of you that want to skip straight to the inaugural article, MD is bringing you some medicine.

Happy to have you with us,

The Birds and the Bees' Staff

PS - Peep the full logo. The new URL is there too.

The Bees: What Men Really Want: The True 50's Housewife

By The Radical

I disagree. The Watcher is completely off base on this one. I don't want a mother. I don't want a motherly figure. I want a slave. I want a pet. I want the true essence of the 50's housewife. Fact of the matter is June Cleaver and Amy Winehouse were popping horse tranquilizers at the same rate. The mother only appears motherly because she did as she was told and was so heavily sedated that her only emotional option was enthusiasm. Take note that enthusiasm is not synonymous with happiness. The Watcher indicates that men want some far removed version of that 1950's ideal. I want a modified version of the reality...and sir, you probably do too. Ladies, if you are reading this, take heed.

A Member of the Birds and the Bees' Staff steadily quotes the movie “Labyrinth” (1986), starring David Bowie, in which the antagonist and paramour, Jareth, says to the object of his desire, “Love me, fear me, obey me and I will be your slave!” This is the depiction of what men really want from a woman. Simultaneously, it tells us what men want in a woman as well.

Consider the notion of reciprocity that exists in most relationships. This notion is hardly what it claims to be. What most people consider reciprocity in a relationship is really a bartering system in which the woman gives certain things and the man gives others in the end creating a harmony not created of two separate versions of the same thing melded together, but instead one built of interlocking, but unique pieces that make it a “fair trade.” Thus, every relationship involves a power dynamic. But what this really means is that men like Jareth the Goblin King take the time and energy to create these elaborate labyrinths for women as gifts for which the reciprocal gifts are her love and obedience. He provides, not only so she doesn't have to, but so that she can and must rely on him.

Quite frankly, the 1950's housewife is an appropriate depiction of what men want, but not the ideal prototype which immediately comes to mind. Men want the reality of the 1950's housewife as just that, a housewife, not a mother... unless there are kids, and then it's only so he can continue his life uninterrupted. I have no interest in pausing this DVRed episode of House just to parent some children. “Go ask your mother for some cereal, she should already be in the kitchen.”

The reality of the 1950's housewife is subordination, drug use, and a focus on the man's happiness as the crux of the household's happiness. From these characteristics comes actions that could be interpreted as “ encouraging, comforting, and supportive.” Focusing on the image of the 1950's housewife as a housewife instead of a mother shifts the idea that “a mother understands her son’s ambitions, goals and dreams and inspires him to pursue them” into the necessary treatment of her significant other such that she understands her significant other's ambitions, goals, and is required to inspire him to pursue them as they are directly tied to her quality of life.

The Watcher distinguishes between which motherly characteristics are best exhibited by a girlfriend in three points, but the second and third points are motherly characteristics which he suggests be avoided or mediated. This mediation is unnecessary if the metaphor is applied properly. She is not the 1950's mother to her man; she is his housewife.

Take a look at Rosie Millard's 2008 article in The Sunday Times for a view of the modern woman roleplaying as the 1950's housewife. Aside from the missing horse tranquilizers, Millard provides us with a contemporary example and gives us the space to suggest that this is what men really want. The modern woman more likely than not wants this too, but of her male counterpart.

The Birds: "What Men Want": Mother vs. Motherly Figure

By The Watcher

One of my favorite movies of all time is “What Women Want”. It is a funny and idealistic depiction of what it is like to be inside the mind of a female. In the movie, the main character, played by Mel Gibson, is blessed with the ability to read women’s minds. Throughout the movie, he discovers that what he thought he knew about the opposite sex was extremely limited. By reading women’s mind he was able to understand the complex internal struggle women go through on a daily basis. I always wondered if they would make a movie called “What Men Want” but then I realized that it would be too inappropriate to become a mainstream movie and is probably already an adult film. Although men do think about sex more than women, there are things that men need from their potential mate when they decide to settle. There are things besides sexual prowess that men seek in women.

Men today go through a stage in their life when they play the field to see how many women they can obtain. We see it as a challenge that we were born to embark on. The goal is to see how many times we can stick our flag poles in new territories (see what I did there). Throughout the quest some feelings are hurt, hearts are broken and new strokes are developed. However, there comes a point when most men grow tired of the irrepressible desire to hunt and wish to settle down with a compatible mate. When this time comes, there are some specific characteristics men look for outside of the physical arena. I’m writing this article to describe to women what men need. This may sound overly simple and to some it may come off as obvious. However, knowing these character traits and actually having these traits are a completely different story.

First and foremost, the first relationship men usually have with the opposite sex is typically with their mother or some type of motherly figure. For those of you that never thought of this, the mother/motherly figure is not universal. The role of a mother varies from country to country, city to city, and family to family. Therefore, the role of a mother in this article relates more to the ideal, 1950’s American version of what a mother is/ was. The motherly figure I am referring to has 3 distinct traits. She is encouraging, comforting and supportive. A mother understands her son’s ambitions, goals and dreams and inspires him to pursue them. Now do not get me wrong ladies, I am NOT asking you to be your man’s mother. Nevertheless, men are looking for qualities in women that are typically used to describe mothers. There is a fine line between being the girlfriend with these character traits and being his mother. Boys need a mother. Men need a woman with motherly qualities. Let me tell you what I mean:

• 
  
  A mother offers encouragement, comfort and support with no expectations of getting anything in return. Both partners in a relationship have needs and they must be fed. If you feed each other’s needs, you will both be satisfied.



• 
  
  A mother still wants to control her child’s life. If you smother your man, he will resent you. Instead, you should develop more of a supportive role. If you observe some weak areas in your man’s life that he is too proud to acknowledge; bring it to his attention. Remember you cannot change a man but you can help him grow and develop into a mature man.



• 
  
  Most mothers do not hold their children accountable; you should not follow in the same footsteps, because many men say that their girlfriend is important to them but that is not always what their actions reveal. Men assume the relationship will always be there, by default, until one day she is gone. Therefore, ask your man to make his priorities match his commitments. If he is committed to you, he should not have you at the bottom of his priority list.

Relationships are similar to baking a cake. Not only do you need the right ingredients but you need the proper amount of each ingredient. Too much water or too few eggs will lead to a strange tasting cake that no one will enjoy. When it comes to being encouraging, comforting and supportive, as women, you must be able to discern how and when to use these traits. Using too much of a particular trait will make you seem like the mom who still breast feeds her 10 year old son. Using not enough of a particular trait will make you seem like the Wicked Witch of the West. Balance is the key to every relationship. Using these ingredients wisely to strengthen your current relationship or use them to create a new relationship.

The Bees: Need to Ask the Readers a Question

How are we doing?

We rely on your feedback to know what we're doing right, what you want to read, what we're doing wrong. So instead of posting the list of “Top Ten Features of a Beat Bitch” as The Radical has been aggressively suggesting over the past three weeks (trust us, this list isn't what you want to read). We've decided to dedicate today's post to the direct request for our readers to tell us what you think.

We've been told a number of times that commenting on posts has been difficult and sadly there isn't much we can do about that on Blogspot, but we are working on a larger solution to that problem. We loved the avid conversation that was had on one of our author's facebook link post. So today, tell us what you think of The Birds and the Bees however you like. If you are one of the lucky few that can get the comments to work, have at it. If you prefer to comment on the link we post, go for it. And there is always the option to simply email us at thebirdsandthebees10@gmail.com.

And if you really want that list The Radical suggested, we need no less than three cosignatures.

- The Birds and the Bees' Staff

Tyrese says, “Stay”: New Game Brought to you by Men everywhere

The Birds and the Bees Do More than Hum and Buzz was given the opportunity to premiere Tyrese's new single “Stay.” Mr. SR...C volunteered to take a deeper long into what Tyrese really has to offer us with his new song. Watch the video below. Read the article above that. - MGMT



By Mr. SR...C

“I’ll go the extra mile to make you smile and just to make your day, I’ll go out my way, I’ll do whatever it takes”. That is some heavy stuff coming from a dude. Those words can cause a Tsunami in your girl’s nether regions. You would have to get a flotation device to survive. Every girl probably would die to hear her man to say that to her. It is just real, honest, and vulnerable. “Stay,” the official first single off the upcoming album “Open Invitation” from hit R&B artist Tyrese, is about exactly what the title states, a man wants his woman to stay with him. The song tugs at the fabric of our tendency as human beings to make mistakes in relationships and unfolds to show our need to be ready to do any and everything to make the love of our life stay with us.

The point of view being presented is of the man who is being unfair to a woman who has held him down. Yes, they have disagreements. Yes, there may be times of confusion, but he loves her. He may have “messed up more than a thousand times” but he wants to make it up to his woman. The man sees his woman about to leave and can only think about everything he would lose with her exiting his life. Sometimes people don’t realize what is sitting right in front of them or take it for granted. Now I don’t excuse bad treatment, but people can get caught up in so many other things that they don’t realize how they are neglecting the other person in the relationship. The neglect could be work, could be too much time with friends, it could be never showing appreciation for all the things you do for him or her. Not realizing his girl’s importance until too late would crush a man who loves his girl. The song is expressing the time right before that final straw and what all men should strive to provide their significant other with at all times, not just when shit hits the fan.

“Stay” is pushing for men to always put their woman first. I agree with that idea as long as it is within reason, don’t cut off your toes if she asks, but do “whatever it takes” if this woman is the potential lifetime partner you’ve been searching for (aka wifey). If she wants more time with you during the day because you work too much, try to leave early some days. If she needs your support at an event she is hosting, show up before hand to help her set up, and if you're late please don’t expect to dialogue with the vagina for about a week. If she asks for help running errands and all that is on is football, you can sacrifice a couple hours to help her out, unless it is your team or you’re hosting your boys, then she needs to eat a sand sandwich and leave your ass alone. Making concessions is what makes relationships last and any selfishness ends that.

This is meant to express how you should treat your wife/wifey/girlfriend, not some girl you’re just fucking. Remember that. Ladies, all these things can be applied to you too, value your significant other because being unappreciated exponentially raises the potential of their departure. This might exclude some dudes who you whipped with the pussy, but I digress. This is a beautiful song to express that we all need to appreciate the one we love in a relationship, so I hope you always go the “extra mile to make [her] smile” so staying is the only option.

The Birds: What Do the First Three Letters in “Assume” Spell?

By Mr. SR...C

Now it’s time for a completely biased point of view. See what I did there? I put you on the defensive immediately. This is directed at the females, but men can be guilty of this too; say what you mean, do not expect me to fucking understand your non-communicative version of communication. Why? Because it is fucking stupid. Like if your dog is hungry, it probably will whine or beg. If Olive Oil screams for help, Popeye knows to rescue her. If the condom breaks…enough said. So why is it that people feel that others will know what an issue is without any communication? Sometimes it may be generally understood but why not shoot for clear communication all the time? I will grant men mostly are the guilty party of not understanding these unexpressed signals but women just have to get over the subtle shit. We men are just freaking “she Jane, me Tarzan” at the end of the day.

I want to give an example of this “you’re not telling me shit” phenomenon. Ralph is eating a sandwich in the kitchen. His girl calls him and says “I am outside the apartment, you home? Oh, and I stopped by the grocery store on my way over”. He says, “Okay, come up” and continues to eat his sandwich. He finishes his sandwich and turns on the game, it's funday Sunday, calls up a few buddies see if they want to stop by and watch the game with him. Ralph notices his girl is taking a while getting to the apartment. Fifteen minutes later she opens the door and has bags of groceries. Ralph goes up to her and notices she has a not too pleased look on her face and says “Nicole, baby, what’s wrong?” and she replies “Oooh nothing, I think I’m going to make some food for night game”. Nicole’s face softens and whatever was bothering her seems to have faded as she cooks. As she finishes up and the late game is about to start Ralph gets a call from his boys saying they are downstairs and to buzz them up. When Nicole hears this conversation she gets pissed, calls Ralph a jerk and storms out the apartment and says “I’m going home, you are so selfish”. Ralph is confused and as his girl leaves his boys come in and they have the WTF look on their faces. Ralph goes after Nicole and begs her to tell him what he did. Her response is simply “How do you not know?!”

It is clear to me that not every woman does this and not every man is clueless, but from countless encounters and stories I can imagine this is quite common, maybe not as serious as the example, but it happens. The problem is that Ralph never knew what was wrong, he just knew something was wrong, but that was offset by the fact that Nicole said “oooh nothing”. If nothing was bothering her why did she have a displeased look on her face walking in the door? I created the scenario so I know, but Ralph has no clue. She had never asked Ralph for help with the grocery bags, but instead assumed he would come down and help her. All she had to say was “Can you come down and give me a hand with the bags?” Assuming that Ralph is the average decent boyfriend, he would have gone down to help with no problem. Granted, he could have asked “do you need help?” The point here is when he wanted to know why she was upset she replied “oooh nothing” and literally communicated nothing even though she was upset. Nicole could have reprimanded him for not asking or coming down to help her. Regardless of whether or not Nicole is right about being angry, not verbally expressing why she is upset causes an unnecessary rift in the relationship, and pot holes only get bigger.

Storming out when Ralph says “the guys are coming upstairs” and responding with a rhetorical question is terrible conflict resolution. Remember: I do not believe all ladies take it to the extreme or would not voice their displeasure, but many do some version of this. Please, please, please, just tell the man why you are mad, he is asking for a reason, he has no fucking clue, and if he has a clue he wants to be sure. To be real, men are as simple as the game of Rock, Paper, Scissors (RPS). If you do not say what you feel when we ask, then our assumption is it has nothing to do with us. WE ARE NOT MIND READERS, maybe mind manipulators, but that is not exclusive to nor even mastered the best by the dick-swinging portion of humanity.

Listen, there are surely guys who do the same type of lack of communication bullshit to their significant other the same way some females do, and, conversely , there are women that may not get the hint the same way some males don’t. There are different personalities and it may be difficult to sometimes express how you feel (Helga Pataki’s secret love for Arnold comes to mind) or express how they feel with no intention of having dialogue after it is expressed, think Squidward and Spongebob. Now there are so many variables in a relationship, but one thing that is at least in control of both parties is communication and not assumption, a corny old man I knew used to say “what do the first three letters in 'assume' spell?”, don’t make that you.

The Birds: Longevity

By MD

Talking with a friend of mine, I realized that there is a common trait in long-term relationships that suddenly take a turn for the worse. There is often a lack of short-term memory. There are plenty of people in relationships that are only in them because they’ve “been together for so long”. If you are constantly complaining about your significant other and your only explanation for still being together is the aforementioned reasoning, then you should re-evaluate how you would like this relationship to end. Far too often, people feel that have come too far to go backwards. In response to that, I’d like to ask you, how far have you actually gone if you’re still arguing about topics from the first month? Even though the equation “you + me = us” does make sense, it does not help predict the life expectancy of a relationship. “Us” is a variable, not a constant.

If you are one of the unfortunate members of the majority that are forced to face the fork in the road with one side showing a stop sign; and the other side not showing an end in sight, which road do you take? If the relationship ends before one person picks out baby names and china patterns, the two people involved are not left wondering, “what happened?” If the relationship is ended right before a weekend getaway at the family cabin, then angry and emotional status updates via Facebook may become a part of both individuals near future. Either way, the end result is the same. The downward spiral of complacency has come to a halt. Although one scenario leaves one person hating the opposite sex for a month or two because “they finally opened up”, it provides an opportunity for both people to continue on with the rest of their lives and avoid a predestined dead end.

There are plenty of adults who do not realize this is the case until they are knocking on the door of being the woman with all the cats or the old man that hates everyone. According to your support group, the fact that s/he will not fully commit and you are “running out of time” to get married at a “decent” age is a great reason to abandon ship. When, in actuality, you have been setting sail without a breeze for years! Personally, I do not believe in a small window of opportunity to get married or an age where you should adopt animals and become the next Bronx Zoo. Experience has shown me that, as humans we try to see the potential in people, but we all know that potential that does not soon become apparent will eventually be seen as underachievement. Although you may think that underachievement is only being performed by the person who has the memory span of a goldfish, it is in fact underachievement by both persons involved. Allowing someone to hold you back and use you as a crutch hinders your own ability to grow. Think back to the kid who cheated off your test and then got a better grade than you because they screwed up one of your answers.

Looking back at the end of a relationship, we will always have a spot in our hearts for that companion that never became what we needed; but, creating a feeling of regret within the relationship is much worse. Relationships can either be quicksand or rolling hills. You can either completely lose yourself in the sinking pit of bullshit or be lucky enough to endure ups and downs on a hillside. This article is not to suggest that you should break up with someone because they picked up the wrong type of milk. The point is that if they keep forgetting your birthday/anniversary, you may need to reconsider that double sink and man cave you two have been designing. Allowing someone to stay on life-support within a relationship can be defined as cruel and unusual punishment. R.I.P Terry Schiavo.

The Bees: The Features to Look for in a Good Wingman

By The Birds and the Bees' Staff

So you made the mistake once of taking your mother out with you to the club. Ten failed missions later you turned to her and just couldn't figure out what you were doing wrong. How could you be failing so miserably tonight? It couldn't be your outfit. You felt the flyest you've felt since prom. What could be the issue? Then you look back to the dance floor to see if that brunette was still around and see your mother raging to the new Britney Spears single. There it is. You fucked up and brought the wrong support staff to the operation. The guy with the World Beat-boxing title belt can't help when you need a sniper. Here are some essential traits to look for when designating a wingman for your night out.

Definition: Wingman: (noun) the catalyst for love or getting in them cheeks, you got him who needs a fucking arrow.

1. First Off - Your wingman does NOT have to be of the same sex as you. This may be shocking but girls can be potentially great wingwomen for guys. They are usually able to identify other women in the area who are open to meeting new guys. Also they are typically great at making the guy look good. Other women are more prone to listen to another female complimenting a guy than a guy complimenting a guy. Think about it.
   


2. Altruism - Your wingman has to be willing to take one for the team (if they are of the same sex). Now, taking one for the team does have boundaries. You should only ask your wingman to take a bullet you would HONESTLY take for him or her. To figure out the boundaries, you should pick a spot in the club and observe people as they come by and discuss if you would hit it or not. If you two are on the same page then you can start invading different territories. If you guys are far off, then reconsider that person as a wingman.
   + Remember: Your wingman should have your best interests in mind, be it related to achieving your goal or making sure your beer goggles don't get the best of you.
   


3. Good Looks - Ladies: pick a wingman as sexy as you, never sexier, and dress him or her in an outfit slightly less sexy than yours.Fellas: pick a wingman of equal attractiveness so long as you are at least moderately attractive. You never want to be outshined. You also never want to be in a pack of ugly people.
   


4. Confidence - Or Swag. However you look at it, the wingman must be able to hold the attention of the other team’s defense.
   


5. Conversationalist - You have to find someone who can have an interesting conversations about anything. Your wingman needs to be well rounded. They need to be able to talk about work, music, the cornball guy on the dance floor trying to get laid, the weather, popular bars/clubs in town or anything of the sorts. People who can only passionately talk about 1-2 subjects do not make useful wingmen.
   


6. Genuine Acting Skills - If the wing man is unable to appear genuine in the approach of the friend, the friend will be genuine in the genital blocking of the star.
   


7. Great Passing - If s/he doesn't know how to throw an alley, then s/he needs to be left at home. Poor passing is akin to cock-blocking.
   


8. Hater Blocker – A wingman must be skilled in handling hate. If a wingman encounters a hater in the group who is attempting to sabotage the mission, the wingman must be able to deflect the hate and preoccupy that person to give the lead person a chance to close the deal.
   


9. Emotionless - If the wing man is in fact rejected, the ability to gracefully bow out can go a long way in the success of their teammate. The time that was taken to reject them, leaves the time it should take for the lead teammate to secure a dance/drink/topic of conversation that will ward off any blockers.
   


10. Quality over Quantity - You do not need an army of wingmen to to get results. A skilled army of two can cause just as much damage as the average army of 3 or more.
    
    + Your wingman must be able to hold a conversation with more than one person at a time. An army of 2 must be able to go up to a group of 3 or more people and maintain good conversation. The leader person should be able to make his/her move while the wingman captures the attention of everyone else.

So it is hard to construct a list of what makes a perfect wingman. The only core quality there seems to be is that the wingman can inherently understand time, place, score, and the best decision for the good of his teammate. A wingman is something like a general, a point guard if you will, but different situations, most times, require a general comfortable in certain environments. You would not want an expert nautical tactician trying to make a battle plan for a ground battle, simply put. Now there are cases where there are wingmen who have an all encompassing grasp of wingmanology with the ability to be a tactical savant in any environment, but that is very rare. The essence of the wingman is the understanding of what buttons to push to lead to the success of their friend, whether it’s a one night booty rodeo, digits for possible fireworks, or just building a rapport for a future encounter.

Leave mom at home.

Forgive Him for He Knows Not What He Says: A Letter to B. Rhatican

By The Radical, Mr. SR...C, and The Watcher

The following letter is a response to an opinion piece published in our Alma mater's newspaper, The Collegian. You can find the original article here.

Dear Brendan,

Although I applaud you for the courage to voice such a controversial opinion despite its lack of warrants, the massive holes in your logic, and your obvious resentment for the beautiful nature of the modern woman, there is too much wrong with what you're saying for me to agree with you, despite all my dick-dragging, heteronormative woman-bashing.

“He clearly knows nothing about fashion because fashion does not dictate looking like a slut, period. He is mad he cannot get a wife. How about he stops complaining and finds a wife. He probably wants the girls that look “slutty”. That's why he mad. Dude is lame.”

You begin by directly requesting that women, in general, “wear more clothes.” Your only warrant for this is that “it is becoming increasingly difficult for [you] to look at [a woman] as a woman.” It's strange that you would request women to alter their behavior based on your inability to cope mentally with...what I'm willing to assume is life, but, in this instance and letter, women act as a synecdoche for what appears to be your discomfort with your own personal sexuality. Don't worry, even if you are suffering a lack of sexual activity that isn't streaming online, the concept of sexuality can still be applied to you, in theory.

To say that women have stripped themselves of what makes them beautiful is not a statement reflecting upon women, it hardly even rests in the conservative nostalgia that you poorly attempt to couch your opinion in. What you have clearly indicated is that you are unable to perceive anything beyond what you can see and you have no desire to get to know a woman once you have your mental images recorded for your midday “alone time.” Really, what you are saying is that you are incapable of knowing anything about a woman. Ever. Once you have any leeway to impose sexual thoughts upon her body, YOU make her into an object, regardless of her dress. Tighter clothes just make it easier. What you have is a personal cognitive problem, probably related to your poor impulse control and obsessive compulsive sexual thoughts.

You attempt to petrify the idea of womanhood as this notion of “authenticity” based on her virginity and chastity. So, your mother had a kid, how is her womanhood holding up? I'm willing to bet she lost her virginity to birth you. How much of her beauty went as she released you into the world?

Offended? Too close to home? See, you speak of women, but you don't know what you are actually saying. You must be talking about a certain kind of girl...the one always beyond your reach. Don't hate her because she is beautiful. Hiding what you long for under layers of fabric doesn't make it any more attainable, nor does it add anything to her personality, nor does it speak about her personal choices sexually, nor does it make her any more chaste of virginal. Your view is a mask for your lack of respect for women because you find them sexually attractive and the suggested additional clothing is simply a veil of ignorance for you that masks people's personal choices. Is this how you cover up your personal downfalls, looser jeans? No need to answer. We already know you write opinion letters and hide behind your own audacity for this.

“Yes, go in, please. I would get too personal with him, question his bitchassness. Any dude that blames girls for going for a “bad boy” in an article that is about female “slutty” clothing is mad at some bitch. What does a girl dressing like a sliz have to do with her liking “bad boys?” Doesn't seem connected. She attracts all boys. Clearly, this kid is still attracted, but just says he lacks respect which is warranted [in some contexts, but not the one he identifies and certainly not how he identifies it], but a spade is a spade.”

Your final full paragraph is a testament to your personal failures and inabilities. Let's respond in order. You have no control over your sexual desires. You only perceive women as an object to acquire and feel the need to “flirt” as a means to an end. You know that no woman would want to spend the rest of her life with you, that you she'd get to know in time, so you feel the need to marry first and disappoint later. This is called entrapment. You have a fetish for chastity and don't know how to communicate this in the bedroom. And you will never get to know a woman's character because you yourself are a very shallow puddle, not because of what she wears.

“He should just go to places where women behave in the manner that he likes. Such as nursing homes, Amish farms, the Middle East or old bible belt churches. You can't go to a club or frat party or lodge and have these expectations. He is setting himself up to not find the type of woman he is searching for.”

There are definitely real men out there, but you, sir, are not one of them. You are play acting the role of a man by merely projecting hyper-masculine, artificially-nostalgic, idiotic views about chastity and virginity as the essence of one's value and character that I would bet money you do not hold about men. Chivalry is dead because of guys like you that bastardized what it means to be chivalrous. And bitches that take that shit for granted, but bitches and women are two completely different topics.

“I also love how dudes are like this. Dude is full of it. If you think a chick looks like a slut and have an issue with it...don't date her. End of story.”

The Birds: The Art of Treating Women Well

By The Radical

Fellas, please allow me to speak to you about a fine art I have spent a lifetime studying: the elegant, laborious, and crucial art of treating women well. The first thing you need to know about women is that they are not bitches. They may have been bitches, they may one day become bitches, but women are never bitches. That is what makes them women.

How one treats his woman well is an art because while there are genres, rules, styles, trends, etc., there is not an exact science. Theorems about women always fall through when you need them most (in a bar mid-conversation, while writing your wedding vows, during the fight that will make or break you after your six year anniversary, the list goes on). The main feature of this art is what it is not and it certainly is not the craft of training your bitch.

To train your bitch, one must:

1. Make it so that one’s personal happiness is the focal point of one’s interactions with this bitch.



2. Secure the position of power. The easiest method of this is to simply care the least about the relationship itself and your continued interactions with this bitch.
   


3. Properly demonstrate the extent of one’s sexual prowess infrequently to compel this bitch to stick around, while still putting one’s own needs first.



4. Fulfill the superficial needs of this bitch. Fact of the matter is bitches be shoppin’ and not just at the Gap.

That, of course, is a small lesson on the dark arts. Those are the critical pillars of that particular school of thought, by no means the totality. Only these four pieces are needed to distinguish this from the fine art of treating women well. To treat one’s woman well you must never act toward her as if she was a bitch. She might occasionally act like one and that time she said something you are pretty sure was a well-disguised jab at your mother you wanted to call her one, but your woman is never a bitch. We have a different word for that: “woman.” Nonsensical? Yes, and that is the point. Ever spent a good amount of time with a woman? Exactly.

There are four basic tenants to treating a woman well:

1. Be willing to go beyond positioning her happiness as the centerpiece of your relationship; place it alongside yours. When you perceive her wants and needs as important as you do your own you make it so that your happiness coincides with yours. Making her happy makes you happy. This is much more stable and healthy than the complete sacrifice of considerations of your happiness for hers because it is less draining, thus more easily maintained for a long period of time, and the intermingling of what makes you happy as individuals increases the likelihood of knowing what makes you a happy couple.



2. Remember that power is fluid. Couple this with a passion for your woman that ebbs and flows, but never dissipates. “Never” is one of those present tense feelings, when it becomes a future tense kind of thing she might be wifey material. There will always be a power struggle going on in any relationship (refer to the power struggle article), but this struggle can be more or less full of actual conflict. Again, consider it as an ebb and flow of power.



3. You are her personal sex slave. She is your personal porn star. However you two make it true is up to you. I can’t tell you what rocks your boat. But for the proper, mind-blowing, multi-orgasmic, leg-quaking, sheets-ruining, neighbor-waking, structural integrity altering treatment of your woman, this should be true.



4. You must fulfill the needs of your woman, superficial and otherwise. Buying her things is nice and a great distraction from her having caught you staring at the bitch at the register, but there is more than materialism at the core of a woman. Those things we all long for deep down inside (love, respect, caring, hugs, kisses, sympathy, passion, compassion, and things of the like), give her all of those, in abundance.

Yes, you must treat your woman well, but not quite as good as you would treat your wife. The art of treating your woman well is really the practice of wading in the gray area between training your bitch and loving your wife. I had to consult an older head a while ago about the proper way to love one's wife.

The wise man spoke to me of the three Ps: Providing, Protecting, and Proclaiming. The three Ps are for neither women nor bitches. The three Ps are reserved for the wife or wifey material. Wifey material is a potential wife with legitimate and not “blinded by the power of the P” potential (This P is not one of the original three). The power of the P has sent men to their graves, kings to poverty, and ships to sea. The power of the P is a separate article altogether. Let’s stay on topic.

The three Ps are straightforward and need no further defining. What is necessary is a description of their applicability.

1. Providing – This is the natural male desire to provide that drives the ego of so many, from boys to men. This is why most males will cringe to think that he would be out on a date and she would pay. This same drive has been turned against men. Bitches won’t even consider reaching for their purse at the end of the meal nowadays, knowing that he will do the work for her, questioning his own masculine identity based on his financial abilities.



2. Protecting – A guard dog barks at the unopened door regardless of the possibility that it’s a friendly face on the other side of the door. That’s all. That’s not meant to be a metaphor. For his wife, a male will constantly be aware of and concerned for her safety. This is easily confused with male territorialism. Territorialism has the male’s ego as its main concern making the defense of his personal property the highest priority. The easiest way to tell the difference is the accompanied marking habits and the placement of a bitch as the visible focal point.



3. Proclaiming – I wouldn’t walk into a room and scream, “This is my woman!” I also wouldn’t leave the room without the sexiest girls and the guys looking the thirstiest knowing that “this is MY woman.” There is a middle ground, but the level of proclamation needed differs per male, couple, setting, and time of day. The Facebook relationship status is the most well-known (and most disputed) form of proclamation for our age group. It is also the most useless. It does more to have your relationship known when you walk into the club than it does when dude is poking your woman on Facebook.

I remind you that the three Ps are for the wife or wifey material only. These are told to you for one reason: You treat one as less than the other. How do you know what wifey material is? She is everything the average woman is not. So what’s a woman? She is everything a bitch isn’t, which gets kind of complex because bitches ain’t shit. When we discussed a clearer way to simplify this complexity a member of the Birds and the Bees Staff suggested that “a woman is everything.”

The Bees: Deciding to Choose

By a Member of The Birds and the Bees' Staff

There is an idea about time that suggests that time is not linear and in fact branches off into separate and unique timelines every time we make a decision. Perhaps this is really an idea about parallel dimensions. No matter. What is important is the focal point of decision-making. We would typically assume that it would only be big decisions that could affect the direction of time. Time is not so shallow.

What is it that makes a decision a big one? Immediate degree of importance? The long term affect of the consequences on a person's life, psyche or emotions? Only in retrospect can we interpret a choice's impact. The availability of interpretation makes it such that all decisions must diverge into different timelines. Regardless of what we see as a “big” decision, they are all decisions we make and thus all of those made and those paths untaken must have consequences of some sort. If this idea has any truth to it, then we must every day, every moment, every instant decide to choose and follow the path of that choice to its end. Why? Because once the direction of time has been set we must travel its course. All attempts to undo will fail; you can't turn back the hands of time.

What does this psuedo-metaphysical bullshit have to do with relationships and communication? I'm not there yet.

There is an idea about a girl (or boy) that suggests that (s)he is the one. The perfect center between Mr(s). Right and Mr(s). Right-Now. Surely, it seems contradictory to say that since The One would be assumed to be Mr(s). Right. That is after all what makes them The One, right? Well, no, not always. This again is one of those things we can only know at relationship's end through our interpretation of the ending and our memories of all time before that. From what I've seen, The One has walked in and out of my life many times with just as many names and faces. And each time I was wrong about her. I only know that to be true today, of course, having had the time to reflect upon it. Our choices brought us together and our choices made us part ways. It would be impossible to pinpoint every “big” decision, but when you can see the Great Wall from space you can't deny its existence.

We believe choices like “Let's stay together” to be big decisions, especially when that means enduring the states' distance between us and many long-distance phone calls. We ignore the many small decisions that support that larger choice. Here's where it gets messy. We don't understand what is and isn't a small or big decision. Cheating and telecommunicating are both small and large decisions, respectively. Read that twice. See what I did there?

The decision to stay faithful in a long-distance relationship supports the meaning of your original decision to stay with your significant other despite what may come between you. It is the only thing that you do that genuinely decides whether or not you are still in the relationship you decided to stay in. Telecommunication is how you decide to play the character of a person in a relationship.

Similar to the government being the people with the monopoly on violence, your significant other is the person that has the monopoly on your physical intimacy. Now displace that person out of reach of your body for long periods of time and that monopoly is only rhetorical. You once again have the ability to do as you please so long as you are playing the part via text messages and lengthy phone calls. “This seems like the ramblings of the amoral,” creeps a whisper over my shoulder. No matter. This is the nature of the main decision to stay together. What become “big” decisions are those smaller choices to uphold the foundation of that rhetorical power over one's physical intimacy; those decisions that (s)he will most likely never know of.

These small choices have the largest impact on your relationship even if your partner is completely unaware. Keeping a steady flow of communication is the necessary and “big” decision, but your tone of voice when introduced to a new young (wo)man in the bar is a small decision of grand import. The choice to engage with the tone of voice you had locked away when your significant other was still here to maintain the monopoly is small in the moment. It was just a conversation... a really pleasant conversation. It is nice to be back out there talking to new people, getting fresh compliments, having your ego boosted and being told in different words that you “still got it.” Cheating is, in the end, a small decision that determines the truth of your Facebook profile's declaration that you are “in a relationship with...”

This is, of course, just one example to support, not an idea about time, but rather an idea bout decision-making. While time might diverge, we walk one path seamlessly unaware of what the decisions we didn't make could have brought to us. We can only know the consequences of the choice we did make, so it is of the utmost importance that we make the conscious decision to choose and follow that choice. When you choose to be with who may or may not be The One, you cannot know if (s)he is, but you must follow as if (s)he were because in the present you believe it to be true. When you make the “big” decision to stay together despite distance, it is only to your benefit to make the small and larger decisions necessary to maintain that to the full extent to which you actually decided to choose that direction in the fork in time. When you decide to choose you must follow that earnestly to its end. But if not, that is a new and separate choice that redirects the flow of time, with a path you must follow and a path you will never know.

Buzzing: A Lady gives Fellas 12 DO NOTs for the first impression

By The Birds and the Bees' Staff and The Reader(s)

This is the second of the reader response posts. We love your interactions with us and appreciate every one. We decided this week to post the full responses we've gotten outside of the comments to show some love, and let the other readers know what The Reader(s) are saying. The Reader(s) wrote this in response to “The Bees: Give the Ladies 13 'Do Nots' for the First Impression.” One of our most vocal readers provided this list for us, offering a female's equal and opposite list of things not to do to make a good first impression. She's pretty on point.

The Reader(s)'s email reads:
“Assuming the "first impression" starts with the introduction/initiation of the conversation and not the stare down from across the room... Here's my list of total turn offs that guys should never do unless they want to go home alone.

1. Do not use a corny pick-up line. They're not cute and we might "laugh" but we really think you're a loser.

Example: "How much does a polar bear weigh?.... Enough to break the ice! Hi I'm........."

2. Don't get so close that you're invading personal space. Crossing the personal space boundary distinguishes you from a good guy trying to hold a conversation and a creeper/Asian tickler

3. Do not ask me if I want to buy you a drink. You should be asking me that

4. Don't forget to compliment me. I must be convinced that you're approaching me because I'm the hottest girl in the room.

5. Don't approach me and then expect me to hold the entire conversation. Just like guys don't like ditsy girls that ramble on and on... girls don't like guys that stand there and just nod at everything we say,

6. Try to use proper English when you talk to us unless we don't speak English then well.... you have a problem of your own.

Example... do not walk up to us and be like: "Ay yo hottie what up"

ON THAT NOTE.......

7. DO NOT ever call me "girl" "babe" "hun" "sweetie" etc. You haven't earned that privilege just yet. Slow your roll.

8. Do not get caught looking at another girl. I shouldn't have to explain why.

9. Don't talk about your ex... ever. And don't blab about your "bros." We don't really want to hear about your friends unless you're trying to get us to hook up with one of them....

10. Don't get so drunk that you can't remember my name. Actually, if you're really that interested... just don't get THAT drunk. That's a clear indication of where I would stand in our relationship.

11. Be a little bit humble. Although we want to learn about you... we don't want to know about how much you love yourself and could never love anyone else as much as you love you.

AND FINALLY... MOST IMPORTANTLY....

12. DO NOT forget your deodorant, gum, and cologne. I will not speak to you if you reek from every orifice of your body and you're sweating like a pig on a sunny day down in hell.”

Keep sending us your responses and questions to thebirdsandthebees10@gmail.com. We do love hearing from you.

The Birds: Mixing it up

By The Watcher

Typically, as humans, we are creatures of habit. We all have our own methods of how we live our lives. We usually take the same route home everyday. We order our food a certain way. We buy the same drinks when we go out. We shop at the same stores. Once we find a routine that suits us, we typically do not stray far from it.

Having a routine is how we organize our daily lives. The daily habits we create and maintain, lead to a wonderfully simplifying predictability in our daily lives. However being predictable can be the very thing that is holding you back from finding that mate you long to have. Being predictable can also be the fastest way to let the flame burn out in your relationship. There is a saying that goes, “if it ain't broke don't fix it”. If you are continuously running into dead-end companions then you need some variation in your life because what ever routine you have going for yourself is not helping you get the results you desire. If your relationship is not as exciting as it use to be in the past, you could use some variation in your routine as well. I’m not saying that all habits and routines are bad. However if your current habits and routine prove to be fruitless in the relationship department, then change is needed.

Change is good because disrupts a stagnant routine. You want your lifestyle to be more like a moving river instead of a stagnant lake. Rivers are ever flowing streams of fresh water that can be both gentle and exciting at the same time. Lakes are idle and inactive bodies of water that lack movement or continuity. When there is no change and energy you end up doing the same old thing, day after day. Most people are resistant to change because they feel they are losing control over their lives. However when it comes to breaking the monotony in your life, you are in control.

There are many single people out there that are frustrated with the opposite sex. In your mind you are doing everything you are suppose to be doing to find that great mate. You're staying in decent shape, keeping an up-to-date wardrobe, you're going out for happy hours and weekend events to be social. But nothing seems to work. For whatever reason you still end up right where you started, single and alone. Ladies, stop going after the badass guy at the bar. Yes, you may be attracted to him, BUT you cannot change him to be your knight in shining amour. Fellas, stop going after the skeeza in the mini-skirt with the tramp stamp on her back. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.

If you are in a current relationship and you feel it is getting a little boring or dull, take it upon yourself to be spontaneous. Attempt to engage in new activities with your significant other that you two have not tried yet. Go on a surprise date. Leave them naughty notes in random places. Send them a dirty picture or two. Cook a meal together instead of going out to eat. Have sex in new positions than your standard 3 positions. Break out of the mundane and express yourself to your partner. You become complacent in a relationship when the activities you share with your partner become predictable and mundane. By not being continuously spontaneous and creative with your partner you allow the flame you two shared to slowly fizzle out. And as you know, an idle mind is the devil’s playground. If you are not staying on your partner’s mind, I’m here to tell you someone else is occupying that void you left. Hence, this opens the door to cheating and an eventual break up.

What I'm trying to say is, if you feel that you are in a funk, if you are in a relationship drought, if you feel like you are lonely and there is no one out there for you, I suggest you change the type of people you go seek. Break away from your current expectations of your desirable mate and expand your horizons. You may be surprised with who you are actually compatible with.

Buzzing: Thinking about Sex

By The Birds and the Bees' Staff and The Reader(s)

Since we began this blog we have come to notice a number of things about ourselves, our readers, and the blogging process. It’s understood within The Birds and the Bees’ Staff that comments are a bit of a pain to leave on this website if you aren't a member. We thoroughly appreciate all of your readership, especially when you interact with us via comments or emails. So far a couple readers have given us their personal responses via email to our lists through the lens of the feminine perspective. We decided to post these as individual posts to show our appreciation and give the rest of the readers a little insight into what other readers think.

The Reader(s)'s email reads:
“A - [The Bees: Thinking about Sex] is the best post in a while...congrats.
B - My friend and I came up with a list similar to the one posted under comments and a response to the original.
1. I said he can finish anywhere...I hope he knows that means not my face.
2. Will this interfere with my day tomorrow?
3. I sure hope this condom doesn't break. Wait...I sure hope he put on the condom!
4. What time does CVS open for the morning after pill?
5. What should I wear tomorrow?
6. I wonder what he is going to tell his friends. I hope he knows this hookup has nothing to do with that stupid line he said earlier.
7. Is he watching Sports Center as we fuck? Ha..I said Sports Center like I know what it is.
8. How long will he stay?...my outfit is going to require ironing in the morning.
9. What should I tell my friends...I'll boost him up just in case I need to use him again. This C + stroke will be a B+ to my friends.
10. I hope he knows that his book of 365 moves won't get past move 5.”

Keep sending us your responses and questions to thebirdsandthebees10@gmail.com. We do love hearing from you.

The Bees: Give the Ladies 13 “Do Nots” for the First Impression

By The Birds and the Bees' Staff

How does every relationship start? “Hello.” Everyone with whom you've been intimate you met first. Ladies, for you, we've compiled a list of “Do Nots” to avoid making a bad first impression. But why wouldn't we compile a list of things to do to make a good impression? Because between the four of us we have four different perspectives on what leaves an impressive impression. Not all of us would have accepted being told that a young lady wouldn't be able to accept an invitation to a party because she had a previously arranged (presumably sexual) engagement that evening. A wise man once said, “That [girl] has no manners.” And now that young lady and the receptive young man are in the strongest relationship since the ending of Date Night. “But that ending wasn't very strong.” Yes, and this one either. Get it?

Anyways, it's much too simple to misstep during your first meeting with a guy. We can't account for all variables, but these are assured things NOT to do to lower the chances of such an out of line footfall. Here's the list as it would be read by one of our staff members (Hint: it's not [Doogie Howser,] MD) :

1. Don't keep staring if you're not going to talk.

I know its usually the man's job to be the aggressor, but, honestly, I know about the suffrage movement too. It's 2011, you can take the initiative too.

2. Don't give me the eyes when your man is in the room. Bad etiquette. Now I'm not a home wrecker, but you put enough blood in the water...you catch my drift.

3. Do not blend in with the crowd.

The beauty of many of the settings in which we meet people is how anonymous we can be to those that don't know us. We let loose and act in the group mentality. Stop yelling as your girlfriends pass you. I understand that you enjoy being out with your friends, but the tribal shriek of excitement is not cute.

4. Do not discuss a heavy topic (i.e. politics) unless you are ready to have a serious conversation and are willing to defend yourself/ No religion or politics talk please.

This depends heavily on the recipient, but until you gauge whether or not this is the kind of guy that refuses to take you seriously if you are only providing small talk avoid such topics.

5. Do not play dumb under the irrational belief that it somehow makes you physically more attractive.

6. Don't wear a skimpy outfit and spend the entire time tugging at your skirt and trying to hide your cleavage. You spent at least an hour getting dressed with the lights on; you knew what look you were going for.

Speaking of which, if you look like a hoe I'm going to assume you're a hoe. Dave Chappelle said it best, "Its like if I wear a police uniform, and you ask me for help, and I say, 'Oooh, I'm not a cop.'"

7. Don't get sloppy.

If you can't handle your liquor, I know you can't handle me.

8. Don't ask me to dance if you're not going to “Back that Thang Up.”


I will only two step to a few songs. Swag.

9. Just because I buy you one drink, don't expect to put all your drinks on my tab.

You haven't earned that privilege yet. Slow your roll.

10. Don't bring up your ex. And even after you actively attempt to not mention him, do not let on that you are still bitter from your last relationship.

If we need to explain the reasons behind this please email us this request. We will formally lay out the full reasons why this is a piss-poor idea and graphically detail how pungent the smell of “BitterBitch” is.

11. Do not let on that you do not suck dick.

This isn't as ridiculous as you assume it is. During your first meeting no guy wants to hear about the sexual limitations you have. Even if you “don't do that,” that is a conversation for a later date. And, frankly, one of two things will cross my mind if you do tell me you don't 1.) To quote Lil Wayne, “I don't fuck with bitches with the stadium!/ That's no dome/ Bitch go home//” or 2.) That's what they all say before they suck dick.

12. Don't ask if I'm going to call you.

Desperation is a clear sign of those losing... habitually. The game is only fun when the other party involved stands as a worthy player.

13. Don't friend me on Facebook and write on my wall the same night we met.

I won't be calling you.

Alright, so possibly we let the most aggressive of us narrate this one for you. The main points still stand. Do you disagree? Or have a corresponding list of what guys shouldn't do when making the first impression? Leave us a comment below or email us at thebirdsandthebees10@gmail.com. We're always interested in what you have to say...assuming it isn't politics or religion.

The Birds:Defibrillation is a Hell of a Drug

By Mr. SR...C

“You abandoned me, love don’t live here anymore. Just a vacancy, love don’t live here anymore.” Now that lady, Rose Royce, knows what she is talking about. The problem is that many cannot bring themselves to vacate that love. People want to hold on to that love, that painstaking heartache, that struggle for constant heart fluttering, but eventually the heart drops. It seems so many of us fall in love, but when that love has failed to be fruitful for us or our partner many cannot logically accept that that one time love has now soured, changing into a past love and no longer the love we once knew. Having loved or still loving someone does not mean that the love is meant to be consummated in relationship form.

Relationships end, yet it is so irrefutably clear that denial of that possibility in a relationship littered with “I love you” and “I love you too” hardly allows the relationship to end cleanly or even end definitely. Now I understand that when you love another person and they love you that it is very hard to rid yourself of those deep rooted and intense feelings. Feelings that make your body actually physically react to any situation concerning the other, so serious that if they hurt you your heart begins to ache, so embedded that when you look at them in the morning you cannot help but smile. Rose says it best “when you lived inside of me, there was nothing that I could conceive that you wouldn’t do for me.” That is some serious stuff, some serious, serious feelings. I do not know how many people have felt that way, but I know there are readers out there who have. A love so strong that you would do anything for the other person, short of taking a bullet, but then again there are those that would take that bullet willingly for the one they love. That’s the type of love that is rooted in one’s soul and that’s the type of love that if the relationship ends has to be channeled out of the very fabric of you’re being. Think colon cleanse; whole lot of shit to get rid of.

I am all about love and all that good stuff (like apple sauce and Aladdin), but when relationships that make it to the “Love Dimension” end they need to stay ended. On and off relationships in the “Love Dimension” from my experience are just relationships that have no actual possibility of progress. What I mean by that is even if after ten to eleven break-ups you end up getting married and\or having kids there still will be those reasons why you broke up the first, fifth, and eighth place. Missing someone and still loving them does not always justify going back into a situation that was broken. Your relationship ended because one or both parties had an issue that could not be resolved within the realm of the relationship ,so one or both parties ended it. The key is the phrase “break-up”. To “break-up” is to scatter, disperse, separate into pieces, ceasing to function as an organized unit, et cetera. You get the point. There are a multitude of reasons a “break-up” can occur, but, none the less, in a relationship where love is involved there usually is a serious enough reason for the parties to be separated because if you are in love only serious issues should drive you apart, right? So it just would make sense that even with that love, if you felt, your partner felt, or you both felt it was necessary to “break-up”, it would follow that getting back together would be a bad decision, right?

I do not know how popular my theory on this is going to be, but when such a drastic cut is made as to bludgeon the life out of a relationship full of love there should only be death. This is not a cartoon. This is not the Bible. There is no resurrection here, and if there is a resurrection the relationship is going to look like a zombie. Yes, the living dead. A grotesque version of what once was; Heidi Montag comes to mind. People seem to try to use the love once held or possibly still held to repair an already too damaged relationship. You have to get over it. Your heart’s going to be tugged by good memories, but remember if everything was always good you would not be single. Your soul is going to be screaming for you to go back to the familiar, but you have to remember to tell yourself “love don’t live here anymore” because the same love does not live there. You may think it is the same love but once you break-up with someone the love changes. It is no longer the first and purest strain. It is a muddied, bastardized version that you must realize is going to be weaker than the first go around. Dr. Frankenstein’s resurrected wife/girlfriend seems like a fair analogy. With love and break-ups it only makes the love weaker not stronger, you are just getting used to how easy it is to leave each other.

Rose Royce is talking about her lover finding another home and abandoning her, which is real specific, but she moved on as did her previous mate. You cannot believe in that old pure form of “love” that you had, because there is “just a vacancy” and that love you knew “don’t live here anymore”.

“Now time to sit down and unwind to the smooth vibes of the groove you jive sexy thangs. A love lost means there's love to be found, chocolate treats and body heat, call the fire department," Issac Hayes voice.

Your Link(s) to the Outside World

By The Birds and the Bees' Staff

Today's post is special for a few reasons. 1.) This is a Friday post outside of our usual schedule (we made it special just for you). 2.) This post gives you, the readers, insight into the things that The Birds and the Bees' Staff are reading to stay knowledgeable about the subject at hand. Here's the thing: if you want more of these, we have to know you do. Give us feedback on what you thought of the articles. We are constantly seeking to improve for your benefit, thus we read outside sources constantly. Here's a peek at our reading material.

“Hey, Researchers, It's Time to GET OVER Playboy's Depictions of Women” by Michael Castleman via Psychology Today

Media images bombard us in our every day life. Telling us what to wear, how to eat, smell, drink, and most frequently (and arguably most detrimentally) how to be attractive. And researchers are constantly studying how these images effect us on a group and individual level. Here's the catch: what if the images of beauty aren't keeping up with the societal development of a relative view of beauty? This is exactly what Castleman discusses by pointing out how old hat the study of Playboy's notions of beauty are since they are less a tell of societal understandings of beauty and more a show of Hefner's personal opinions of beauty.

“Are Online Flirtations Cheating or Not?" By Stacy Kaiser via USA Today

Flirting can now be displayed in various forms nowadays with the advancement of technology. We are not limited to just flirting in person or on the telephone in today's society. Flirting can be in the form of a winking smiley face in a text, a Facebook message or a twit pic. This is helpful to the introverted person who gets cotton mouth when talking in person. However this can be the downfall to many relationships. Flirting online or via text is just as bad as flirting with someone online.

“Translate Her Sex Sounds” by Kiera Aaron via Men's Health

This article caught our eye for an obvious reason. Our biggest question is whether this is true enough to make a general assumption. It also leads to the question of what are true signs of faking. We think the article is one that everyone should read in order to gain a handle on a situation that we (as men) often run into- deciphering the Sounds of Love Making.

"There's no Such Thing as a Home-Wrecker” via The Feminine Woman

How can you blame an outside source for infidelity in your relationship? Yes, there are those who prey on women and men in relationships, but then there are those who don't try very hard because the person in the relationship is interested. The point is your partner is cheating. It is your partner with whom you should be mad. We see a future article for The Birds and the Bees here.

We, The Birds and the Bees' Staff, hope you found these articles useful, informative, or at least entertaining. We clearly enjoyed them enough to share. But this is a trial run. If you'd like us to continue this let us know. More and more we realize that we write this blog for our own enjoyment, but its pointless without building an audience that enjoys our work. We want to provide you with worthwhile reading material, so let us know which of these articles was worth your while or if you even want us to continue providing links like this. Feedback. We want it. We need it. But more directly stated: we need you.

The Bees: Thinking about Sex

By The Birds and the Bees' Staff

A while back, a reader asked us unofficially, “What do guys think about during sex?” Since it was unofficial the reader never got a formal post, but the question did come up among The Birds and the Bees' Staff, so we compiled a list of example thoughts we've had during sex. We'll explain a few things after.

Sample Thoughts during Sexy Time:
1.) She said I can finish anywhere. I hope that includes her face.
2.) What the Smurf am I going to do after I finish Smurfing? Sleep? TV? Sandwich? Will I want to Smurf again?
3.) I sure hope this condom don't break
4.) How long do I want this to go?
5.) Should I change my wall color?
6.) I can't wait for brunch tomorrow to tell everybody the line this broad fell for.
7.) The cigarette after this will be soooo fucking good. Ha! I said fuck. No pun intended. Wait, if no pun was intended should I stop stroking? Fuck it.
8.) Purple is a good color.
9.) I wonder what she's going to tell her friends.
10.) How many positions is she going to let me put her in?

Sample Thoughts after Sexy Time:
1.) I hope no one sees me when I leave.
2.) I wonder how long its going to take for her to ask to do this again.
3.) I wonder what's OnDemand.
4.) She's not nearly as good as the girl yesterday.
5.) I should probably...uh... say something to her like “good job” or something.

If it's good, MD proposed the awe struck,
6.) …
Which The Radical argued always gets vocalized as
7.) [an exhausted, long-winded sigh breathed through an uncontrollable smile]

During sex a guy's mind alternates between thinking about what's going on in the moment and everything else in the world. Ladies might wonder why this is the case, but the answer is fairly simple. Once he is too wrapped up in the thoughts about the sex at hand, it's all over. Climax control is the man's main focus during sex and that means that his thoughts have to be elsewhere at times to control excitement levels. When guys say they can cum on command what they really mean is that they can decide to stop trying not to cum. So when you are having the time of your life and he has a look on his face that looks like the bastard child of confusion and enlightenment. It's not because he isn't into it. He just can't get too into it. Ladies, our considerations of the international global markets and their effect on the cost of our preferred post-coitus beverages during doggy style are for your sake, not because we are that concerned with the price of tea in China.

So Ladies, what do you think about during sex?

The Birds: EmotiCONS

By MD

Cheating is an act that isn't restricted to any one societal class, race, gender, or sexuality. The act which has been turned into what seems like a societal norm through television shows exposing individuals that decide to partake in one of America’s past-times, happens more often than we think. Cheating and betrayal can take place on two main levels: physical and emotional. We all know what physical cheating is and how we define it will differ depending on each person and their personal experience. While emotional cheating can also be defined based on an individual’s personal opinion, it also has a unique quality that does not exist on the physical level- the ability to be invisible in the early stages.

Both men and women cheat; however, through my experience, it seems that the two go about their deceitful ways differently. While both genders have the option to physical and emotionally cheat, it seems as if the two genders often end up with varying results. Through conversations with several individuals (both men and women), it seemed fair to say that men and women cheat physically as a result of dissatisfaction. However, coming up with reasons that men and women emotionally cheat proved to be the more difficult task.

Several people stated that they were unable to come up with situations where men would feel the need to emotionally cheat and how they would go about the act. I came up with an answer that may surprise some and enlighten others, “Men do cheat emotionally; however, they do not realize that it is emotionally cheating until the physical act has taken place.”

For example, if a man is a huge football fan; but, the woman that he is committed to would rather watch HGTV on Sundays, the male might find it more comforting to watch the game with a couple of his friends that do enjoy the Gridiron. The group may consist of both males and females; however, it feels like gender is not a part of the situation. The emotional cheating comes into play when the man feels as if he is unable to talk to his partner about the subject and can only speak to one of his female friends which share the same likes and dislikes. Although the male does not believe it is cheating, he is sharing a part of his life with another woman that he feels he is unable to share with the person he is committed too. We’ve all experienced situations where we discuss one topic with a friend and that leads to another topic which was not the original intent, but the end result. After a while, practice becomes habit and habit becomes natural. Thus, one connection leads to another, and another, until that male feels that they are in a Facebook relationship with the wrong person. Once this takes place- right around the time of the first awkward eye contact or goodbye- the emotional betrayal cycle has taken place and they are no longer buddies who just watch football on Sundays. They are now possibilities that seem endless.

Women, on the other hand, are able to emotionally cheat without having to include the physical aspect. Women are able to connect to men in other ways than their bedrooms- I’m not saying that men can’t do the same- but at some point, women are convinced that while sex may be important; it is not the end all. There are some that value money and stature; in addition to, some that value an emotional connection over The Playlist. After talking to a few women, it seemed as if finding a man that connects with them on an emotional level became increasingly harder to find over the years. Good sex can happen on a random weekend. Great sex can take place when you’re least expecting it. Mind-blowing sex normally comes along with the guy that doesn’t meet the “great guy” criteria- let’s be honest, guys have to be somewhat of an asshole to grab a handful of your hair. But a relationship where a woman feels that they are able to trust and confide in a man by allowing herself to become vulnerable comes once or twice in a lifetime. This can be created the exact same way that men are able to create a connection. The topic of conversation is not the key to the emotional connection from a woman’s perspective; however, the depth of the conversation leads to the bond. Many women are able to emotionally betray their partner without physically betraying them because many of them have had enough rope, handcuffs, or park settings in their lives- although, some could use a little more. This goes back to my sex without emotions point, but we’ll save that for another day and debate between myself and The Watcher.

In closing, the title of the article was chosen to show the purpose of the first step in emotional cheating for both men and women. Smiley faces here, and a wink there, result in laughter…which is good for the soul. This is not to say that whenever your partner decides they would like to watch something or do something with someone else, they are cheating. As long as an open line of communication on the topic remains present, everyone can breathe easy and enjoy the moments that they do share. By simply inquiring about the game that you do not understand will keep lines open and both parties happy. While getting more physical and more emotional with someone else are two ways to ruin a relationship, it seems as if getting more emotional is the only way to save one. The bottom line is exactly what this blog is about; communication with your significant other will lead to successes or failures. :) ;-) :( :-P :).

Q&A: Friends After the Fact

You may have noticed that we recently rearranged our schedule. Tuesdays and Thursdays are our regularly scheduled posts. We currently write under three major headers: “The Birds”, “The Bees”, and “Q&A”. “The Birds” is the weekly post every Tuesday rotating between the Birds and the Bees' Staff. Alternating as necessary, “The Bees” and “Q&A” are posted every Thursday. “The Bees” is the opportunity for any of the other three members of the Birds and the Bees Staff that weren't scheduled for the week to respond or simply get a thought off their chest. Kinda like Freestyle Fridays, but the prewriting is always better here with a much smoother delivery. “Q&A” is the same as always. For those of you not hip to the boogie, you send your question to thebirdsandthebees10@gmail.com and we respond. Now you even know when to expect answers.

Without further ado...

Question: So I've been thinking recently, especially after reading the last two posts centered around the FWBs of the world, and also some of my own personal run-ins/encounters of late-- is it ever truly possible to develop and/or maintain a friendship post messing around? I feel like it's always addressed when it comes to friendship post an actual bf/gf relationship, but what about when you're in the FWB zone heavy for a couple of months and it dissipates for whatever reason-- does that mean cut all ties forever or what?

Answers:

The Watcher: This is a very sticky situation all around. There are so many variables that have to be accounted for that it is difficult to give you a clear yes or no answer. The best thing to do is to treat your former hook up as if they lived half way across the world. Stay in touch from time to time, small talk. Anything beyond this and you run the risk of stirring up old flames which can cause you to go around the "Mulberry Bush" once again.

MD:Yes, the point was to be able to be friends after it was all said and done, but let’s be honest, when
do things ever go according to plan? It would be nice to have a friendship with the person, but when you begin a future relationship, how are you going to explain your connection with your previous FWB? If you say that you won’t mention that part, realize that your new relationship is built on lies- evasion of the truth is a lie; and, if you do mention it, your current counterpart will always question your friendship in the back of their mind. So yes, it would be nice, but not realistic.

The Radical: There is a clear distinction between someone you fuck on a consistent basis but aren't dating and a friend with benefits. Someone you are fucking gets cut when you're done fucking. A friend with benefits is in the gray area when the two parties decide to remove the benefits from their relationship. You can try and go back to just being friends. Good luck. This requires the removal of the sexual attraction that was once there. Why? Because you have set a precedent and once that's there it's much harder to come up with good answers to “Why aren't we having sex right now?” It's been done before, but there has to be good reason for you two to not have sex, like a disfiguring car accident or the contraction of some STD... or one of you starts dating someone else. Be wary, that last reason still may not protect you.

Mr. SR...C: It is possible to maintain a friendship post genital to genital combat as long as both sides are not jealous of the others' future conquests. Honestly, the only reasons to cut all ties from a FWB situation are that one of the parties is too emotionally invested in the other or the ability to watch the other with a new partner drives one crazy. It’s simple, very simple, but most lose sight of that and, in turn, ruin the possibility of a friendship. If you are catching feelings please voice so immediately to avoid complications. We avid proponents of the beauty of FWBs would love a couple weeks notice to ease off of habitually blowing your back out. Just ease off the usage after you realize you have caught feelings and using a mutually understood technique friendship can hopefully still happen. Plus going cold turkey sucks, unless you have a couple of tenderonis on standby.

Hmmmmmm Tenderonis….

The Birds: Sexual Compatibility is Essential, Hence all the Flocking Together

By The Radical

Given the focused subject matters of The Birds and the Bees' blog, it only makes sense that we continually attempt to remain knowledgeable and decently read on the subject, so I found myself reading things online and came across Hot Alpha Female's (HAF) blog. Particularly, her post titled “The Irrelevance of Sexual Compatibility.” Let me state plainly, I disagree.

Having said that, I completely agree with her statement that “[t]he core things that are required to create the solid foundation of a relationship are shared values, open lines of communication, unconditional acceptance, honesty, courage, emotional maturity, and the need and desire for both people to put their relationship first.” While the amalgamation of these things are a solid foundation for a relationship, they are hardly cumulative into sexual compatibility.

To avoid a crucial mistake that allows HAF to make many of her arguments there is a need to define “sexual compatibility” as an independent concept to be discussed. Busby et al. (2010) define “sexual chemistry” as “ a 'mysterious, physical, emotional, and sexual state' that when present in a relationship creates something 'unique and explosive'” (pg 767). I will take this a step further granting this definition with finer applications of context to define the concept at hand. This undefinable “something” has certain conditions necessary for it to be present in a relationship. When these conditions are met, then sexual chemistry becomes sexual compatibility. The crux of this distinction is “compatibility.”

Compatibility is the rhetorical crux of this distinction. The primary distinguishing feature in practice is everything sexual beyond missionary position in a private room with the lights off. I do mean everything sexual. Outside of sex at its simplest, compatibility becomes a factor beyond the sexual chemistry of two people. It might fit like lock and key, but it has to unlock the door.

Where compatibility really matters is that space in time when you decide to move beyond the most basic of sexual practices. HAF indicates that the lack of sexual compatibility is actually a symptom of a breakdown of the aforementioned key components of a relationship's foundation. HAF goes on to say that “ a healthy relationship will have a healthy sex life.” This line is the clear indication of the assumption of a correlation in which a couple's sex life is the dependent variable attached to the facets of their relationship's “foundation”. Foolishness.

HAF soon expresses what she feels to be the root cause of sexual incompatibility: “the woman withholding the true expression of her femininity – and the absence of a strong masculine energy to draw it out.” This masculine and feminine dynamic becomes the base cause of relationship breakdown, which pushes sexual incompatibility to the furthest background as a symptom of other symptoms. If this doesn't make sense to you, that's okay because it doesn’t make sense to me either.

So the expression of the two partners' (in a heterosexual relationship) masculine and feminine energies is what makes for good sex? In her section titled “Understanding a woman 101,” HAF provides a fuller description of how the masculine and feminine energies interact: “You project. She Absorbs.” The feminine energy which erupts as sexual energy is controlled by the masculine energy. This is a dominant and submissive relationship in which the male partner acts as the catalyst that unlocks the “little sex kitten” in the woman, thus making sexual compatibility a matter of constant male dominance and reciprocated female submission, suggesting further that the male's dominance must be over the woman “emotionally, mentally, and intellectually” since these are the areas which HAF emphasizes as the crucial components for sexual compatibility. Although I agree that every relationship has characteristics of a dominant and submissive relationship, HAF is off base in her interpretation of how these characteristics are engaged within a relationship.

Think I have misconstrued HAF's interpretation by clearly highlighting the the aspects of dominance and submission? Read again HAF's statement that “[i]f you can continually re-establish, nourish, and protect her safety on all levels she will have no reason to withhold [sex].” HAF shows here that there is the need for the dominant masculine energy to engulf the feminine energy such that a persistent safety net secures the woman's emotional availability for sex. Even her sexual desires are muted in the face of the overwhelmingly dominant masculine energy,

“When a woman feels comfort, safety, protection, excitement, and happiness about herself in relation to a man and the relationship she will DO ANYTHING to keep that man happy. Her preferences of what she likes and does not like will go out the window.”

To state plainly HAF's meaning as read, control her emotionally and you control her pussy. Not an original theory really since Bobby and Ike suggested the same thing many years ago (and were quite successful for it).

Alright, enough with the dry literary analysis. Let's get to the point proper. Sexual compatibility is crucial in any relationship, not as an afterthought, not as a third tier symptom of borderline spousal abuse, and certainly not as a product of these obscure, ephemeral masculine and feminine energies. Two parties enter into a relationship in which they meet in a variety of areas, one of which being the shared desires for sex at a similar pace and in a similar style. The hyper-aggressive dominatrix will not do well with the hyper-masculine male with no desire to submit in the bedroom. Neither desire what is called “vanilla” sex, but neither of them play the role to submit to the other. This makes for an awkward bedroom excursion in which a fight just might break out.

Fellas, when your next random hook-up punches you in the face pre-orgasm, you will or will not like it. If this is what she needs to get off, no matter how many times you can recite to her her favorite foods, movies, and books, your fulfillment of her “emotional needs” still won't get her rocks off unless you enjoy or at least continuously allow her blunt faceshots. And here is where compatibility matters. Is she going to condemn herself to the duration of a relationship without an orgasm? Shit, I wouldnt. Then again how many girls have slept with me and I've just never done it for them? Ladies feel free to comment and let me know.

Sexual compatibility is slightly different from sexual chemistry in that it is what goes beyond the levels that HAF focuses on in her article. The sexual chemistry that one can feel during a first date across a dinner table is completely different than the sexual compatibility that one may or may not feel when you find yourself at their house later that evening walking into their bedroom finely decorated with hardcore, tentacle Hentai posters as they exhaustively describe the school girl costume they would like you to wear during sex. If gooey demonic appendages entering your orifices in the most aggressive of ways isn't your thing, then what about the pleasant dinner conversation has suddenly made it so?

Exactly.