Bridging the Communication Gap

We decided the University of Richmond Campus wasn't a large enough bridge.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Humming & Buzzing: We're Moving!

Good News Readers,

We’re changing locations. With all the trouble we’ve had with commenting etc, and the simple need to strike out on our own to seriously pursue this as something that The Birds and the Bee’s Staff can say is to be taken seriously, we first begin taking ourselves more seriously… and the readers as well.

We’ve moved our blog to A much simpler URL, for sure. The logo segment you see attached to this Blogspot account, the B&B twitter (@Brdsandbees), and even our Facebook page was a teaser for the final move to our own website over which The Birds and The Bees’ Staff will have greater ability to control our blog and more importantly better ability to allow you to interact with and through our blog. This Blogspot will be maintained for small things. We have ideas. But from now on is the new site for The Birds & The Bees Do More Than Hum & Buzz.

So without any further hesitation, we give you! And for those of you that want to skip straight to the inaugural article, MD is bringing you some medicine.

Happy to have you with us,
The Birds and the Bees' Staff

PS - Peep the full logo. The new URL is there too.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Bees: What Men Really Want: The True 50's Housewife

By The Radical

I disagree. The Watcher is completely off base on this one. I don't want a mother. I don't want a motherly figure. I want a slave. I want a pet. I want the true essence of the 50's housewife. Fact of the matter is June Cleaver and Amy Winehouse were popping horse tranquilizers at the same rate. The mother only appears motherly because she did as she was told and was so heavily sedated that her only emotional option was enthusiasm. Take note that enthusiasm is not synonymous with happiness. The Watcher indicates that men want some far removed version of that 1950's ideal. I want a modified version of the reality...and sir, you probably do too. Ladies, if you are reading this, take heed.

A Member of the Birds and the Bees' Staff steadily quotes the movie “Labyrinth” (1986), starring David Bowie, in which the antagonist and paramour, Jareth, says to the object of his desire, “Love me, fear me, obey me and I will be your slave!” This is the depiction of what men really want from a woman. Simultaneously, it tells us what men want in a woman as well.

Consider the notion of reciprocity that exists in most relationships. This notion is hardly what it claims to be. What most people consider reciprocity in a relationship is really a bartering system in which the woman gives certain things and the man gives others in the end creating a harmony not created of two separate versions of the same thing melded together, but instead one built of interlocking, but unique pieces that make it a “fair trade.” Thus, every relationship involves a power dynamic. But what this really means is that men like Jareth the Goblin King take the time and energy to create these elaborate labyrinths for women as gifts for which the reciprocal gifts are her love and obedience. He provides, not only so she doesn't have to, but so that she can and must rely on him.

Quite frankly, the 1950's housewife is an appropriate depiction of what men want, but not the ideal prototype which immediately comes to mind. Men want the reality of the 1950's housewife as just that, a housewife, not a mother... unless there are kids, and then it's only so he can continue his life uninterrupted. I have no interest in pausing this DVRed episode of House just to parent some children. “Go ask your mother for some cereal, she should already be in the kitchen.”

The reality of the 1950's housewife is subordination, drug use, and a focus on the man's happiness as the crux of the household's happiness. From these characteristics comes actions that could be interpreted as “ encouraging, comforting, and supportive.” Focusing on the image of the 1950's housewife as a housewife instead of a mother shifts the idea that “a mother understands her son’s ambitions, goals and dreams and inspires him to pursue them” into the necessary treatment of her significant other such that she understands her significant other's ambitions, goals, and is required to inspire him to pursue them as they are directly tied to her quality of life.

The Watcher distinguishes between which motherly characteristics are best exhibited by a girlfriend in three points, but the second and third points are motherly characteristics which he suggests be avoided or mediated. This mediation is unnecessary if the metaphor is applied properly. She is not the 1950's mother to her man; she is his housewife.

Take a look at Rosie Millard's 2008 article in The Sunday Times for a view of the modern woman roleplaying as the 1950's housewife. Aside from the missing horse tranquilizers, Millard provides us with a contemporary example and gives us the space to suggest that this is what men really want. The modern woman more likely than not wants this too, but of her male counterpart.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The Birds: "What Men Want": Mother vs. Motherly Figure

By The Watcher

One of my favorite movies of all time is “What Women Want”. It is a funny and idealistic depiction of what it is like to be inside the mind of a female. In the movie, the main character, played by Mel Gibson, is blessed with the ability to read women’s minds. Throughout the movie, he discovers that what he thought he knew about the opposite sex was extremely limited. By reading women’s mind he was able to understand the complex internal struggle women go through on a daily basis. I always wondered if they would make a movie called “What Men Want” but then I realized that it would be too inappropriate to become a mainstream movie and is probably already an adult film. Although men do think about sex more than women, there are things that men need from their potential mate when they decide to settle. There are things besides sexual prowess that men seek in women.

Men today go through a stage in their life when they play the field to see how many women they can obtain. We see it as a challenge that we were born to embark on. The goal is to see how many times we can stick our flag poles in new territories (see what I did there). Throughout the quest some feelings are hurt, hearts are broken and new strokes are developed. However, there comes a point when most men grow tired of the irrepressible desire to hunt and wish to settle down with a compatible mate. When this time comes, there are some specific characteristics men look for outside of the physical arena. I’m writing this article to describe to women what men need. This may sound overly simple and to some it may come off as obvious. However, knowing these character traits and actually having these traits are a completely different story.

First and foremost, the first relationship men usually have with the opposite sex is typically with their mother or some type of motherly figure. For those of you that never thought of this, the mother/motherly figure is not universal. The role of a mother varies from country to country, city to city, and family to family. Therefore, the role of a mother in this article relates more to the ideal, 1950’s American version of what a mother is/ was. The motherly figure I am referring to has 3 distinct traits. She is encouraging, comforting and supportive. A mother understands her son’s ambitions, goals and dreams and inspires him to pursue them. Now do not get me wrong ladies, I am NOT asking you to be your man’s mother. Nevertheless, men are looking for qualities in women that are typically used to describe mothers. There is a fine line between being the girlfriend with these character traits and being his mother. Boys need a mother. Men need a woman with motherly qualities. Let me tell you what I mean:

  • A mother offers encouragement, comfort and support with no expectations of getting anything in return. Both partners in a relationship have needs and they must be fed. If you feed each other’s needs, you will both be satisfied.

  • A mother still wants to control her child’s life. If you smother your man, he will resent you. Instead, you should develop more of a supportive role. If you observe some weak areas in your man’s life that he is too proud to acknowledge; bring it to his attention. Remember you cannot change a man but you can help him grow and develop into a mature man.

  • Most mothers do not hold their children accountable; you should not follow in the same footsteps, because many men say that their girlfriend is important to them but that is not always what their actions reveal. Men assume the relationship will always be there, by default, until one day she is gone. Therefore, ask your man to make his priorities match his commitments. If he is committed to you, he should not have you at the bottom of his priority list.

Relationships are similar to baking a cake. Not only do you need the right ingredients but you need the proper amount of each ingredient. Too much water or too few eggs will lead to a strange tasting cake that no one will enjoy. When it comes to being encouraging, comforting and supportive, as women, you must be able to discern how and when to use these traits. Using too much of a particular trait will make you seem like the mom who still breast feeds her 10 year old son. Using not enough of a particular trait will make you seem like the Wicked Witch of the West. Balance is the key to every relationship. Using these ingredients wisely to strengthen your current relationship or use them to create a new relationship.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

The Bees: Need to Ask the Readers a Question

How are we doing?

We rely on your feedback to know what we're doing right, what you want to read, what we're doing wrong. So instead of posting the list of “Top Ten Features of a Beat Bitch” as The Radical has been aggressively suggesting over the past three weeks (trust us, this list isn't what you want to read). We've decided to dedicate today's post to the direct request for our readers to tell us what you think.

We've been told a number of times that commenting on posts has been difficult and sadly there isn't much we can do about that on Blogspot, but we are working on a larger solution to that problem. We loved the avid conversation that was had on one of our author's facebook link post. So today, tell us what you think of The Birds and the Bees however you like. If you are one of the lucky few that can get the comments to work, have at it. If you prefer to comment on the link we post, go for it. And there is always the option to simply email us at

And if you really want that list The Radical suggested, we need no less than three cosignatures.

- The Birds and the Bees' Staff

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Tyrese says, “Stay”: New Game Brought to you by Men everywhere

The Birds and the Bees Do More than Hum and Buzz was given the opportunity to premiere Tyrese's new single “Stay.” Mr. SR...C volunteered to take a deeper long into what Tyrese really has to offer us with his new song. Watch the video below. Read the article above that. - MGMT

By Mr. SR...C

“I’ll go the extra mile to make you smile and just to make your day, I’ll go out my way, I’ll do whatever it takes”. That is some heavy stuff coming from a dude. Those words can cause a Tsunami in your girl’s nether regions. You would have to get a flotation device to survive. Every girl probably would die to hear her man to say that to her. It is just real, honest, and vulnerable. “Stay,” the official first single off the upcoming album “Open Invitation” from hit R&B artist Tyrese, is about exactly what the title states, a man wants his woman to stay with him. The song tugs at the fabric of our tendency as human beings to make mistakes in relationships and unfolds to show our need to be ready to do any and everything to make the love of our life stay with us.

The point of view being presented is of the man who is being unfair to a woman who has held him down. Yes, they have disagreements. Yes, there may be times of confusion, but he loves her. He may have “messed up more than a thousand times” but he wants to make it up to his woman. The man sees his woman about to leave and can only think about everything he would lose with her exiting his life. Sometimes people don’t realize what is sitting right in front of them or take it for granted. Now I don’t excuse bad treatment, but people can get caught up in so many other things that they don’t realize how they are neglecting the other person in the relationship. The neglect could be work, could be too much time with friends, it could be never showing appreciation for all the things you do for him or her. Not realizing his girl’s importance until too late would crush a man who loves his girl. The song is expressing the time right before that final straw and what all men should strive to provide their significant other with at all times, not just when shit hits the fan.

“Stay” is pushing for men to always put their woman first. I agree with that idea as long as it is within reason, don’t cut off your toes if she asks, but do “whatever it takes” if this woman is the potential lifetime partner you’ve been searching for (aka wifey). If she wants more time with you during the day because you work too much, try to leave early some days. If she needs your support at an event she is hosting, show up before hand to help her set up, and if you're late please don’t expect to dialogue with the vagina for about a week. If she asks for help running errands and all that is on is football, you can sacrifice a couple hours to help her out, unless it is your team or you’re hosting your boys, then she needs to eat a sand sandwich and leave your ass alone. Making concessions is what makes relationships last and any selfishness ends that.

This is meant to express how you should treat your wife/wifey/girlfriend, not some girl you’re just fucking. Remember that. Ladies, all these things can be applied to you too, value your significant other because being unappreciated exponentially raises the potential of their departure. This might exclude some dudes who you whipped with the pussy, but I digress. This is a beautiful song to express that we all need to appreciate the one we love in a relationship, so I hope you always go the “extra mile to make [her] smile” so staying is the only option.

The Birds: What Do the First Three Letters in “Assume” Spell?

By Mr. SR...C

Now it’s time for a completely biased point of view. See what I did there? I put you on the defensive immediately. This is directed at the females, but men can be guilty of this too; say what you mean, do not expect me to fucking understand your non-communicative version of communication. Why? Because it is fucking stupid. Like if your dog is hungry, it probably will whine or beg. If Olive Oil screams for help, Popeye knows to rescue her. If the condom breaks…enough said. So why is it that people feel that others will know what an issue is without any communication? Sometimes it may be generally understood but why not shoot for clear communication all the time? I will grant men mostly are the guilty party of not understanding these unexpressed signals but women just have to get over the subtle shit. We men are just freaking “she Jane, me Tarzan” at the end of the day.

I want to give an example of this “you’re not telling me shit” phenomenon. Ralph is eating a sandwich in the kitchen. His girl calls him and says “I am outside the apartment, you home? Oh, and I stopped by the grocery store on my way over”. He says, “Okay, come up” and continues to eat his sandwich. He finishes his sandwich and turns on the game, it's funday Sunday, calls up a few buddies see if they want to stop by and watch the game with him. Ralph notices his girl is taking a while getting to the apartment. Fifteen minutes later she opens the door and has bags of groceries. Ralph goes up to her and notices she has a not too pleased look on her face and says “Nicole, baby, what’s wrong?” and she replies “Oooh nothing, I think I’m going to make some food for night game”. Nicole’s face softens and whatever was bothering her seems to have faded as she cooks. As she finishes up and the late game is about to start Ralph gets a call from his boys saying they are downstairs and to buzz them up. When Nicole hears this conversation she gets pissed, calls Ralph a jerk and storms out the apartment and says “I’m going home, you are so selfish”. Ralph is confused and as his girl leaves his boys come in and they have the WTF look on their faces. Ralph goes after Nicole and begs her to tell him what he did. Her response is simply “How do you not know?!”

It is clear to me that not every woman does this and not every man is clueless, but from countless encounters and stories I can imagine this is quite common, maybe not as serious as the example, but it happens. The problem is that Ralph never knew what was wrong, he just knew something was wrong, but that was offset by the fact that Nicole said “oooh nothing”. If nothing was bothering her why did she have a displeased look on her face walking in the door? I created the scenario so I know, but Ralph has no clue. She had never asked Ralph for help with the grocery bags, but instead assumed he would come down and help her. All she had to say was “Can you come down and give me a hand with the bags?” Assuming that Ralph is the average decent boyfriend, he would have gone down to help with no problem. Granted, he could have asked “do you need help?” The point here is when he wanted to know why she was upset she replied “oooh nothing” and literally communicated nothing even though she was upset. Nicole could have reprimanded him for not asking or coming down to help her. Regardless of whether or not Nicole is right about being angry, not verbally expressing why she is upset causes an unnecessary rift in the relationship, and pot holes only get bigger.

Storming out when Ralph says “the guys are coming upstairs” and responding with a rhetorical question is terrible conflict resolution. Remember: I do not believe all ladies take it to the extreme or would not voice their displeasure, but many do some version of this. Please, please, please, just tell the man why you are mad, he is asking for a reason, he has no fucking clue, and if he has a clue he wants to be sure. To be real, men are as simple as the game of Rock, Paper, Scissors (RPS). If you do not say what you feel when we ask, then our assumption is it has nothing to do with us. WE ARE NOT MIND READERS, maybe mind manipulators, but that is not exclusive to nor even mastered the best by the dick-swinging portion of humanity.

Listen, there are surely guys who do the same type of lack of communication bullshit to their significant other the same way some females do, and, conversely , there are women that may not get the hint the same way some males don’t. There are different personalities and it may be difficult to sometimes express how you feel (Helga Pataki’s secret love for Arnold comes to mind) or express how they feel with no intention of having dialogue after it is expressed, think Squidward and Spongebob. Now there are so many variables in a relationship, but one thing that is at least in control of both parties is communication and not assumption, a corny old man I knew used to say “what do the first three letters in 'assume' spell?”, don’t make that you.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Birds: Longevity


Talking with a friend of mine, I realized that there is a common trait in long-term relationships that suddenly take a turn for the worse. There is often a lack of short-term memory. There are plenty of people in relationships that are only in them because they’ve “been together for so long”. If you are constantly complaining about your significant other and your only explanation for still being together is the aforementioned reasoning, then you should re-evaluate how you would like this relationship to end. Far too often, people feel that have come too far to go backwards. In response to that, I’d like to ask you, how far have you actually gone if you’re still arguing about topics from the first month? Even though the equation “you + me = us” does make sense, it does not help predict the life expectancy of a relationship. “Us” is a variable, not a constant.

If you are one of the unfortunate members of the majority that are forced to face the fork in the road with one side showing a stop sign; and the other side not showing an end in sight, which road do you take? If the relationship ends before one person picks out baby names and china patterns, the two people involved are not left wondering, “what happened?” If the relationship is ended right before a weekend getaway at the family cabin, then angry and emotional status updates via Facebook may become a part of both individuals near future. Either way, the end result is the same. The downward spiral of complacency has come to a halt. Although one scenario leaves one person hating the opposite sex for a month or two because “they finally opened up”, it provides an opportunity for both people to continue on with the rest of their lives and avoid a predestined dead end.

There are plenty of adults who do not realize this is the case until they are knocking on the door of being the woman with all the cats or the old man that hates everyone. According to your support group, the fact that s/he will not fully commit and you are “running out of time” to get married at a “decent” age is a great reason to abandon ship. When, in actuality, you have been setting sail without a breeze for years! Personally, I do not believe in a small window of opportunity to get married or an age where you should adopt animals and become the next Bronx Zoo. Experience has shown me that, as humans we try to see the potential in people, but we all know that potential that does not soon become apparent will eventually be seen as underachievement. Although you may think that underachievement is only being performed by the person who has the memory span of a goldfish, it is in fact underachievement by both persons involved. Allowing someone to hold you back and use you as a crutch hinders your own ability to grow. Think back to the kid who cheated off your test and then got a better grade than you because they screwed up one of your answers.

Looking back at the end of a relationship, we will always have a spot in our hearts for that companion that never became what we needed; but, creating a feeling of regret within the relationship is much worse. Relationships can either be quicksand or rolling hills. You can either completely lose yourself in the sinking pit of bullshit or be lucky enough to endure ups and downs on a hillside. This article is not to suggest that you should break up with someone because they picked up the wrong type of milk. The point is that if they keep forgetting your birthday/anniversary, you may need to reconsider that double sink and man cave you two have been designing. Allowing someone to stay on life-support within a relationship can be defined as cruel and unusual punishment. R.I.P Terry Schiavo.