The Bees: What Men Really Want: The True 50's Housewife

By The Radical

I disagree. The Watcher is completely off base on this one. I don't want a mother. I don't want a motherly figure. I want a slave. I want a pet. I want the true essence of the 50's housewife. Fact of the matter is June Cleaver and Amy Winehouse were popping horse tranquilizers at the same rate. The mother only appears motherly because she did as she was told and was so heavily sedated that her only emotional option was enthusiasm. Take note that enthusiasm is not synonymous with happiness. The Watcher indicates that men want some far removed version of that 1950's ideal. I want a modified version of the reality...and sir, you probably do too. Ladies, if you are reading this, take heed.

A Member of the Birds and the Bees' Staff steadily quotes the movie “Labyrinth” (1986), starring David Bowie, in which the antagonist and paramour, Jareth, says to the object of his desire, “Love me, fear me, obey me and I will be your slave!” This is the depiction of what men really want from a woman. Simultaneously, it tells us what men want in a woman as well.

Consider the notion of reciprocity that exists in most relationships. This notion is hardly what it claims to be. What most people consider reciprocity in a relationship is really a bartering system in which the woman gives certain things and the man gives others in the end creating a harmony not created of two separate versions of the same thing melded together, but instead one built of interlocking, but unique pieces that make it a “fair trade.” Thus, every relationship involves a power dynamic. But what this really means is that men like Jareth the Goblin King take the time and energy to create these elaborate labyrinths for women as gifts for which the reciprocal gifts are her love and obedience. He provides, not only so she doesn't have to, but so that she can and must rely on him.

Quite frankly, the 1950's housewife is an appropriate depiction of what men want, but not the ideal prototype which immediately comes to mind. Men want the reality of the 1950's housewife as just that, a housewife, not a mother... unless there are kids, and then it's only so he can continue his life uninterrupted. I have no interest in pausing this DVRed episode of House just to parent some children. “Go ask your mother for some cereal, she should already be in the kitchen.”

The reality of the 1950's housewife is subordination, drug use, and a focus on the man's happiness as the crux of the household's happiness. From these characteristics comes actions that could be interpreted as “ encouraging, comforting, and supportive.” Focusing on the image of the 1950's housewife as a housewife instead of a mother shifts the idea that “a mother understands her son’s ambitions, goals and dreams and inspires him to pursue them” into the necessary treatment of her significant other such that she understands her significant other's ambitions, goals, and is required to inspire him to pursue them as they are directly tied to her quality of life.

The Watcher distinguishes between which motherly characteristics are best exhibited by a girlfriend in three points, but the second and third points are motherly characteristics which he suggests be avoided or mediated. This mediation is unnecessary if the metaphor is applied properly. She is not the 1950's mother to her man; she is his housewife.

Take a look at Rosie Millard's 2008 article in The Sunday Times for a view of the modern woman roleplaying as the 1950's housewife. Aside from the missing horse tranquilizers, Millard provides us with a contemporary example and gives us the space to suggest that this is what men really want. The modern woman more likely than not wants this too, but of her male counterpart.

The Birds: Longevity

By MD

Talking with a friend of mine, I realized that there is a common trait in long-term relationships that suddenly take a turn for the worse. There is often a lack of short-term memory. There are plenty of people in relationships that are only in them because they’ve “been together for so long”. If you are constantly complaining about your significant other and your only explanation for still being together is the aforementioned reasoning, then you should re-evaluate how you would like this relationship to end. Far too often, people feel that have come too far to go backwards. In response to that, I’d like to ask you, how far have you actually gone if you’re still arguing about topics from the first month? Even though the equation “you + me = us” does make sense, it does not help predict the life expectancy of a relationship. “Us” is a variable, not a constant.

If you are one of the unfortunate members of the majority that are forced to face the fork in the road with one side showing a stop sign; and the other side not showing an end in sight, which road do you take? If the relationship ends before one person picks out baby names and china patterns, the two people involved are not left wondering, “what happened?” If the relationship is ended right before a weekend getaway at the family cabin, then angry and emotional status updates via Facebook may become a part of both individuals near future. Either way, the end result is the same. The downward spiral of complacency has come to a halt. Although one scenario leaves one person hating the opposite sex for a month or two because “they finally opened up”, it provides an opportunity for both people to continue on with the rest of their lives and avoid a predestined dead end.

There are plenty of adults who do not realize this is the case until they are knocking on the door of being the woman with all the cats or the old man that hates everyone. According to your support group, the fact that s/he will not fully commit and you are “running out of time” to get married at a “decent” age is a great reason to abandon ship. When, in actuality, you have been setting sail without a breeze for years! Personally, I do not believe in a small window of opportunity to get married or an age where you should adopt animals and become the next Bronx Zoo. Experience has shown me that, as humans we try to see the potential in people, but we all know that potential that does not soon become apparent will eventually be seen as underachievement. Although you may think that underachievement is only being performed by the person who has the memory span of a goldfish, it is in fact underachievement by both persons involved. Allowing someone to hold you back and use you as a crutch hinders your own ability to grow. Think back to the kid who cheated off your test and then got a better grade than you because they screwed up one of your answers.

Looking back at the end of a relationship, we will always have a spot in our hearts for that companion that never became what we needed; but, creating a feeling of regret within the relationship is much worse. Relationships can either be quicksand or rolling hills. You can either completely lose yourself in the sinking pit of bullshit or be lucky enough to endure ups and downs on a hillside. This article is not to suggest that you should break up with someone because they picked up the wrong type of milk. The point is that if they keep forgetting your birthday/anniversary, you may need to reconsider that double sink and man cave you two have been designing. Allowing someone to stay on life-support within a relationship can be defined as cruel and unusual punishment. R.I.P Terry Schiavo.

Forgive Him for He Knows Not What He Says: A Letter to B. Rhatican

By The Radical, Mr. SR...C, and The Watcher

The following letter is a response to an opinion piece published in our Alma mater's newspaper, The Collegian. You can find the original article here.

Dear Brendan,

Although I applaud you for the courage to voice such a controversial opinion despite its lack of warrants, the massive holes in your logic, and your obvious resentment for the beautiful nature of the modern woman, there is too much wrong with what you're saying for me to agree with you, despite all my dick-dragging, heteronormative woman-bashing.

“He clearly knows nothing about fashion because fashion does not dictate looking like a slut, period. He is mad he cannot get a wife. How about he stops complaining and finds a wife. He probably wants the girls that look “slutty”. That's why he mad. Dude is lame.”

You begin by directly requesting that women, in general, “wear more clothes.” Your only warrant for this is that “it is becoming increasingly difficult for [you] to look at [a woman] as a woman.” It's strange that you would request women to alter their behavior based on your inability to cope mentally with...what I'm willing to assume is life, but, in this instance and letter, women act as a synecdoche for what appears to be your discomfort with your own personal sexuality. Don't worry, even if you are suffering a lack of sexual activity that isn't streaming online, the concept of sexuality can still be applied to you, in theory.

To say that women have stripped themselves of what makes them beautiful is not a statement reflecting upon women, it hardly even rests in the conservative nostalgia that you poorly attempt to couch your opinion in. What you have clearly indicated is that you are unable to perceive anything beyond what you can see and you have no desire to get to know a woman once you have your mental images recorded for your midday “alone time.” Really, what you are saying is that you are incapable of knowing anything about a woman. Ever. Once you have any leeway to impose sexual thoughts upon her body, YOU make her into an object, regardless of her dress. Tighter clothes just make it easier. What you have is a personal cognitive problem, probably related to your poor impulse control and obsessive compulsive sexual thoughts.

You attempt to petrify the idea of womanhood as this notion of “authenticity” based on her virginity and chastity. So, your mother had a kid, how is her womanhood holding up? I'm willing to bet she lost her virginity to birth you. How much of her beauty went as she released you into the world?

Offended? Too close to home? See, you speak of women, but you don't know what you are actually saying. You must be talking about a certain kind of girl...the one always beyond your reach. Don't hate her because she is beautiful. Hiding what you long for under layers of fabric doesn't make it any more attainable, nor does it add anything to her personality, nor does it speak about her personal choices sexually, nor does it make her any more chaste of virginal. Your view is a mask for your lack of respect for women because you find them sexually attractive and the suggested additional clothing is simply a veil of ignorance for you that masks people's personal choices. Is this how you cover up your personal downfalls, looser jeans? No need to answer. We already know you write opinion letters and hide behind your own audacity for this.

“Yes, go in, please. I would get too personal with him, question his bitchassness. Any dude that blames girls for going for a “bad boy” in an article that is about female “slutty” clothing is mad at some bitch. What does a girl dressing like a sliz have to do with her liking “bad boys?” Doesn't seem connected. She attracts all boys. Clearly, this kid is still attracted, but just says he lacks respect which is warranted [in some contexts, but not the one he identifies and certainly not how he identifies it], but a spade is a spade.”

Your final full paragraph is a testament to your personal failures and inabilities. Let's respond in order. You have no control over your sexual desires. You only perceive women as an object to acquire and feel the need to “flirt” as a means to an end. You know that no woman would want to spend the rest of her life with you, that you she'd get to know in time, so you feel the need to marry first and disappoint later. This is called entrapment. You have a fetish for chastity and don't know how to communicate this in the bedroom. And you will never get to know a woman's character because you yourself are a very shallow puddle, not because of what she wears.

“He should just go to places where women behave in the manner that he likes. Such as nursing homes, Amish farms, the Middle East or old bible belt churches. You can't go to a club or frat party or lodge and have these expectations. He is setting himself up to not find the type of woman he is searching for.”

There are definitely real men out there, but you, sir, are not one of them. You are play acting the role of a man by merely projecting hyper-masculine, artificially-nostalgic, idiotic views about chastity and virginity as the essence of one's value and character that I would bet money you do not hold about men. Chivalry is dead because of guys like you that bastardized what it means to be chivalrous. And bitches that take that shit for granted, but bitches and women are two completely different topics.

“I also love how dudes are like this. Dude is full of it. If you think a chick looks like a slut and have an issue with it...don't date her. End of story.”

Your Link(s) to the Outside World

By The Birds and the Bees' Staff

Today's post is special for a few reasons. 1.) This is a Friday post outside of our usual schedule (we made it special just for you). 2.) This post gives you, the readers, insight into the things that The Birds and the Bees' Staff are reading to stay knowledgeable about the subject at hand. Here's the thing: if you want more of these, we have to know you do. Give us feedback on what you thought of the articles. We are constantly seeking to improve for your benefit, thus we read outside sources constantly. Here's a peek at our reading material.

“Hey, Researchers, It's Time to GET OVER Playboy's Depictions of Women” by Michael Castleman via Psychology Today

Media images bombard us in our every day life. Telling us what to wear, how to eat, smell, drink, and most frequently (and arguably most detrimentally) how to be attractive. And researchers are constantly studying how these images effect us on a group and individual level. Here's the catch: what if the images of beauty aren't keeping up with the societal development of a relative view of beauty? This is exactly what Castleman discusses by pointing out how old hat the study of Playboy's notions of beauty are since they are less a tell of societal understandings of beauty and more a show of Hefner's personal opinions of beauty.

“Are Online Flirtations Cheating or Not?" By Stacy Kaiser via USA Today

Flirting can now be displayed in various forms nowadays with the advancement of technology. We are not limited to just flirting in person or on the telephone in today's society. Flirting can be in the form of a winking smiley face in a text, a Facebook message or a twit pic. This is helpful to the introverted person who gets cotton mouth when talking in person. However this can be the downfall to many relationships. Flirting online or via text is just as bad as flirting with someone online.

“Translate Her Sex Sounds” by Kiera Aaron via Men's Health

This article caught our eye for an obvious reason. Our biggest question is whether this is true enough to make a general assumption. It also leads to the question of what are true signs of faking. We think the article is one that everyone should read in order to gain a handle on a situation that we (as men) often run into- deciphering the Sounds of Love Making.

"There's no Such Thing as a Home-Wrecker” via The Feminine Woman

How can you blame an outside source for infidelity in your relationship? Yes, there are those who prey on women and men in relationships, but then there are those who don't try very hard because the person in the relationship is interested. The point is your partner is cheating. It is your partner with whom you should be mad. We see a future article for The Birds and the Bees here.

We, The Birds and the Bees' Staff, hope you found these articles useful, informative, or at least entertaining. We clearly enjoyed them enough to share. But this is a trial run. If you'd like us to continue this let us know. More and more we realize that we write this blog for our own enjoyment, but its pointless without building an audience that enjoys our work. We want to provide you with worthwhile reading material, so let us know which of these articles was worth your while or if you even want us to continue providing links like this. Feedback. We want it. We need it. But more directly stated: we need you.