Bridging the Communication Gap

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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The Birds: "What Men Want": Mother vs. Motherly Figure

By The Watcher

One of my favorite movies of all time is “What Women Want”. It is a funny and idealistic depiction of what it is like to be inside the mind of a female. In the movie, the main character, played by Mel Gibson, is blessed with the ability to read women’s minds. Throughout the movie, he discovers that what he thought he knew about the opposite sex was extremely limited. By reading women’s mind he was able to understand the complex internal struggle women go through on a daily basis. I always wondered if they would make a movie called “What Men Want” but then I realized that it would be too inappropriate to become a mainstream movie and is probably already an adult film. Although men do think about sex more than women, there are things that men need from their potential mate when they decide to settle. There are things besides sexual prowess that men seek in women.

Men today go through a stage in their life when they play the field to see how many women they can obtain. We see it as a challenge that we were born to embark on. The goal is to see how many times we can stick our flag poles in new territories (see what I did there). Throughout the quest some feelings are hurt, hearts are broken and new strokes are developed. However, there comes a point when most men grow tired of the irrepressible desire to hunt and wish to settle down with a compatible mate. When this time comes, there are some specific characteristics men look for outside of the physical arena. I’m writing this article to describe to women what men need. This may sound overly simple and to some it may come off as obvious. However, knowing these character traits and actually having these traits are a completely different story.

First and foremost, the first relationship men usually have with the opposite sex is typically with their mother or some type of motherly figure. For those of you that never thought of this, the mother/motherly figure is not universal. The role of a mother varies from country to country, city to city, and family to family. Therefore, the role of a mother in this article relates more to the ideal, 1950’s American version of what a mother is/ was. The motherly figure I am referring to has 3 distinct traits. She is encouraging, comforting and supportive. A mother understands her son’s ambitions, goals and dreams and inspires him to pursue them. Now do not get me wrong ladies, I am NOT asking you to be your man’s mother. Nevertheless, men are looking for qualities in women that are typically used to describe mothers. There is a fine line between being the girlfriend with these character traits and being his mother. Boys need a mother. Men need a woman with motherly qualities. Let me tell you what I mean:

  • A mother offers encouragement, comfort and support with no expectations of getting anything in return. Both partners in a relationship have needs and they must be fed. If you feed each other’s needs, you will both be satisfied.

  • A mother still wants to control her child’s life. If you smother your man, he will resent you. Instead, you should develop more of a supportive role. If you observe some weak areas in your man’s life that he is too proud to acknowledge; bring it to his attention. Remember you cannot change a man but you can help him grow and develop into a mature man.

  • Most mothers do not hold their children accountable; you should not follow in the same footsteps, because many men say that their girlfriend is important to them but that is not always what their actions reveal. Men assume the relationship will always be there, by default, until one day she is gone. Therefore, ask your man to make his priorities match his commitments. If he is committed to you, he should not have you at the bottom of his priority list.

Relationships are similar to baking a cake. Not only do you need the right ingredients but you need the proper amount of each ingredient. Too much water or too few eggs will lead to a strange tasting cake that no one will enjoy. When it comes to being encouraging, comforting and supportive, as women, you must be able to discern how and when to use these traits. Using too much of a particular trait will make you seem like the mom who still breast feeds her 10 year old son. Using not enough of a particular trait will make you seem like the Wicked Witch of the West. Balance is the key to every relationship. Using these ingredients wisely to strengthen your current relationship or use them to create a new relationship.

1 comment:

  1. why do your articles tend to center around the idea of what women need to do and how women need to change and act in a particular way (even denigrating the idea of a supportive woman to the 1950s housewife--the long island was invented for a reason). its not always about what men need women to do and how they need them to act. it seems that your articles lack that dual perspective needed in order to analyze any male/female interactions...