The Bees: Give the Ladies 13 “Do Nots” for the First Impression

By The Birds and the Bees' Staff

How does every relationship start? “Hello.” Everyone with whom you've been intimate you met first. Ladies, for you, we've compiled a list of “Do Nots” to avoid making a bad first impression. But why wouldn't we compile a list of things to do to make a good impression? Because between the four of us we have four different perspectives on what leaves an impressive impression. Not all of us would have accepted being told that a young lady wouldn't be able to accept an invitation to a party because she had a previously arranged (presumably sexual) engagement that evening. A wise man once said, “That [girl] has no manners.” And now that young lady and the receptive young man are in the strongest relationship since the ending of Date Night. “But that ending wasn't very strong.” Yes, and this one either. Get it?

Anyways, it's much too simple to misstep during your first meeting with a guy. We can't account for all variables, but these are assured things NOT to do to lower the chances of such an out of line footfall. Here's the list as it would be read by one of our staff members (Hint: it's not [Doogie Howser,] MD) :

1. Don't keep staring if you're not going to talk.

I know its usually the man's job to be the aggressor, but, honestly, I know about the suffrage movement too. It's 2011, you can take the initiative too.

2. Don't give me the eyes when your man is in the room. Bad etiquette. Now I'm not a home wrecker, but you put enough blood in the water...you catch my drift.

3. Do not blend in with the crowd.

The beauty of many of the settings in which we meet people is how anonymous we can be to those that don't know us. We let loose and act in the group mentality. Stop yelling as your girlfriends pass you. I understand that you enjoy being out with your friends, but the tribal shriek of excitement is not cute.

4. Do not discuss a heavy topic (i.e. politics) unless you are ready to have a serious conversation and are willing to defend yourself/ No religion or politics talk please.

This depends heavily on the recipient, but until you gauge whether or not this is the kind of guy that refuses to take you seriously if you are only providing small talk avoid such topics.

5. Do not play dumb under the irrational belief that it somehow makes you physically more attractive.

6. Don't wear a skimpy outfit and spend the entire time tugging at your skirt and trying to hide your cleavage. You spent at least an hour getting dressed with the lights on; you knew what look you were going for.

Speaking of which, if you look like a hoe I'm going to assume you're a hoe. Dave Chappelle said it best, "Its like if I wear a police uniform, and you ask me for help, and I say, 'Oooh, I'm not a cop.'"

7. Don't get sloppy.

If you can't handle your liquor, I know you can't handle me.

8. Don't ask me to dance if you're not going to “Back that Thang Up.”


I will only two step to a few songs. Swag.

9. Just because I buy you one drink, don't expect to put all your drinks on my tab.

You haven't earned that privilege yet. Slow your roll.

10. Don't bring up your ex. And even after you actively attempt to not mention him, do not let on that you are still bitter from your last relationship.

If we need to explain the reasons behind this please email us this request. We will formally lay out the full reasons why this is a piss-poor idea and graphically detail how pungent the smell of “BitterBitch” is.

11. Do not let on that you do not suck dick.

This isn't as ridiculous as you assume it is. During your first meeting no guy wants to hear about the sexual limitations you have. Even if you “don't do that,” that is a conversation for a later date. And, frankly, one of two things will cross my mind if you do tell me you don't 1.) To quote Lil Wayne, “I don't fuck with bitches with the stadium!/ That's no dome/ Bitch go home//” or 2.) That's what they all say before they suck dick.

12. Don't ask if I'm going to call you.

Desperation is a clear sign of those losing... habitually. The game is only fun when the other party involved stands as a worthy player.

13. Don't friend me on Facebook and write on my wall the same night we met.

I won't be calling you.

Alright, so possibly we let the most aggressive of us narrate this one for you. The main points still stand. Do you disagree? Or have a corresponding list of what guys shouldn't do when making the first impression? Leave us a comment below or email us at thebirdsandthebees10@gmail.com. We're always interested in what you have to say...assuming it isn't politics or religion.

Q&A: "I Don't See Nothing Wrong..." Unless...

It's Q&A time again. The formula is simple. You email us at Thebirdsandthebees10@gmail.com and we respond. You should ask us deep questions. You should bring controversy to our blog. We will respond just as deeply and be just as provocative… or more so.

Question: I was hoping that The Birds and the Bees team could explore whether the idea of a couple going to parties/clubs together is a good idea or not. Consider things like whether it's acceptable for the couple to go off and dance with other club goers. If they go partying with a group does it make a difference if they dance with mutual friends or someone they used to date? If your stance is that it's okay to dance with others then would it be cool to explore what kind of dancing is appropriate and what's off limits? Would you place two stepping and close contact reggae dancing in the same category?

Answers:

The Radical: I watch her move from across the room like a hawk. Her hips so smooth, her body moving in ways so familiar to me…and she is all mine, even now when she’s dancing with him. We set these boundaries and for a reason. She is not limited to any style or genre; she may do as she pleases. If his hands wander, I’ll cut them off. The ex is an interesting variable in the equation because this is a person that knows her too, if you know what I mean. He should just stay away from her… forever.

MD: My personal opinion on the topic is simple. If you are not able to be yourself around your significant other in any environment or at any time, then that says something about your relationship. That being said, when you acquire a significant other, dancing with other individuals should not resemble any type of intimacy; thus, you should feel free to two-step and Cupid Shuffle, but bodily contact shouldn't take place (i.e. grinding). Life is too short to be in a relationship that does not allow you to enjoy the little things in life, but relationships are too delicate to approach with reckless abandonment.

The Watcher: Communication is the essential piece to answering any question. I suggest you two sit down and figure out how you would feel about your significant other dancing with other people. If you won't lose sleep over it because you know at the end of the day you know they are coming home to you, and then you both should go out and enjoy yourself. However, if you have an issue with your partner dancing with others, explicitly describe what part of it bothers you so you two can be on the same page. Dancing with ex's should never be allowed.

Mr. SR...C: Going to a party\club with your mate only works if you have the same idea of what is acceptable. I am of the opinion as long as she is coming home with me dancing is dancing. You should be able to enjoy those types of environments with your bf/gf if that is what you like to do for fun. If you are confident in your relationship, dancing should not matter unless you turn around and your mate is gone with their dance partner, in a bathroom stall drowning out the music with a couple moans and a few grunts, just saying.

p.s. after that talk about a bathroom stall I think I need to watch Step Brothers....