The Bees: Thinking about Sex

By The Birds and the Bees' Staff

A while back, a reader asked us unofficially, “What do guys think about during sex?” Since it was unofficial the reader never got a formal post, but the question did come up among The Birds and the Bees' Staff, so we compiled a list of example thoughts we've had during sex. We'll explain a few things after.

Sample Thoughts during Sexy Time:
1.) She said I can finish anywhere. I hope that includes her face.
2.) What the Smurf am I going to do after I finish Smurfing? Sleep? TV? Sandwich? Will I want to Smurf again?
3.) I sure hope this condom don't break
4.) How long do I want this to go?
5.) Should I change my wall color?
6.) I can't wait for brunch tomorrow to tell everybody the line this broad fell for.
7.) The cigarette after this will be soooo fucking good. Ha! I said fuck. No pun intended. Wait, if no pun was intended should I stop stroking? Fuck it.
8.) Purple is a good color.
9.) I wonder what she's going to tell her friends.
10.) How many positions is she going to let me put her in?

Sample Thoughts after Sexy Time:
1.) I hope no one sees me when I leave.
2.) I wonder how long its going to take for her to ask to do this again.
3.) I wonder what's OnDemand.
4.) She's not nearly as good as the girl yesterday.
5.) I should probably...uh... say something to her like “good job” or something.

If it's good, MD proposed the awe struck,
6.) …
Which The Radical argued always gets vocalized as
7.) [an exhausted, long-winded sigh breathed through an uncontrollable smile]

During sex a guy's mind alternates between thinking about what's going on in the moment and everything else in the world. Ladies might wonder why this is the case, but the answer is fairly simple. Once he is too wrapped up in the thoughts about the sex at hand, it's all over. Climax control is the man's main focus during sex and that means that his thoughts have to be elsewhere at times to control excitement levels. When guys say they can cum on command what they really mean is that they can decide to stop trying not to cum. So when you are having the time of your life and he has a look on his face that looks like the bastard child of confusion and enlightenment. It's not because he isn't into it. He just can't get too into it. Ladies, our considerations of the international global markets and their effect on the cost of our preferred post-coitus beverages during doggy style are for your sake, not because we are that concerned with the price of tea in China.

So Ladies, what do you think about during sex?