Bridging the Communication Gap

We decided the University of Richmond Campus wasn't a large enough bridge.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Q&A: Friends After the Fact

You may have noticed that we recently rearranged our schedule. Tuesdays and Thursdays are our regularly scheduled posts. We currently write under three major headers: “The Birds”, “The Bees”, and “Q&A”. “The Birds” is the weekly post every Tuesday rotating between the Birds and the Bees' Staff. Alternating as necessary, “The Bees” and “Q&A” are posted every Thursday. “The Bees” is the opportunity for any of the other three members of the Birds and the Bees Staff that weren't scheduled for the week to respond or simply get a thought off their chest. Kinda like Freestyle Fridays, but the prewriting is always better here with a much smoother delivery. “Q&A” is the same as always. For those of you not hip to the boogie, you send your question to and we respond. Now you even know when to expect answers.

Without further ado...

Question: So I've been thinking recently, especially after reading the last two posts centered around the FWBs of the world, and also some of my own personal run-ins/encounters of late-- is it ever truly possible to develop and/or maintain a friendship post messing around? I feel like it's always addressed when it comes to friendship post an actual bf/gf relationship, but what about when you're in the FWB zone heavy for a couple of months and it dissipates for whatever reason-- does that mean cut all ties forever or what?


The Watcher:
This is a very sticky situation all around. There are so many variables that have to be accounted for that it is difficult to give you a clear yes or no answer. The best thing to do is to treat your former hook up as if they lived half way across the world. Stay in touch from time to time, small talk. Anything beyond this and you run the risk of stirring up old flames which can cause you to go around the "Mulberry Bush" once again.

Yes, the point was to be able to be friends after it was all said and done, but let’s be honest, when

do things ever go according to plan? It would be nice to have a friendship with the person, but when you begin a future relationship, how are you going to explain your connection with your previous FWB? If you say that you won’t mention that part, realize that your new relationship is built on lies- evasion of the truth is a lie; and, if you do mention it, your current counterpart will always question your friendship in the back of their mind. So yes, it would be nice, but not realistic.

The Radical:
There is a clear distinction between someone you fuck on a consistent basis but aren't dating and a friend with benefits. Someone you are fucking gets cut when you're done fucking. A friend with benefits is in the gray area when the two parties decide to remove the benefits from their relationship. You can try and go back to just being friends. Good luck. This requires the removal of the sexual attraction that was once there. Why? Because you have set a precedent and once that's there it's much harder to come up with good answers to “Why aren't we having sex right now?” It's been done before, but there has to be good reason for you two to not have sex, like a disfiguring car accident or the contraction of some STD... or one of you starts dating someone else. Be wary, that last reason still may not protect you.

Mr. SR...C:
It is possible to maintain a friendship post genital to genital combat as long as both sides are not jealous of the others' future conquests. Honestly, the only reasons to cut all ties from a FWB situation are that one of the parties is too emotionally invested in the other or the ability to watch the other with a new partner drives one crazy. It’s simple, very simple, but most lose sight of that and, in turn, ruin the possibility of a friendship. If you are catching feelings please voice so immediately to avoid complications. We avid proponents of the beauty of FWBs would love a couple weeks notice to ease off of habitually blowing your back out. Just ease off the usage after you realize you have caught feelings and using a mutually understood technique friendship can hopefully still happen. Plus going cold turkey sucks, unless you have a couple of tenderonis on standby.

Hmmmmmm Tenderonis….

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