By The Watcher
I'm with M.D when he says that the friend with benefits (FWB) relationship does not work. However, I do believe that the theory behind FWB can work if both parties involved know the rules. In this article I will rebut the previous article, “The Birds: The S.E.X.” You can have a just sex relationship without emotions. It is possible to achieve. Do not let those who have failed to have a successful FWB relationship steer you in the wrong direction. Don’t be fooled. Don’t be swindled. Take it from someone with years of experience in being friends with women while sharing the perk of giving and receiving some special benefits behind closed doors. Get ready to take notes because I am going to break down how the theory behind the FWB relationship can work when it is done the right way. Here are the rules you MUST follow:
1. Find your acquaintance outside your current circle of friends that you have little to no connection with. The further outside your circle the better. You do not need to see them constantly. Therefore co-workers should NOT be in your selection pool. And they should never be an EX.
2. Negotiate a contract so that both of you agree and understand that you two are acquaintances and can hang out with whomever you want and you can sleep with whomever you want.
3. Continuously keep your options open. You are single throughout this whole relationship, so act like it.
4. Do not go on dates alone with your acquaintance whether they are romantic or not. If you two plan on hanging out in public, make sure it is with other people. You two are not trying to court each other, so why do you need to go out to dinner and a movie? You are acquaintances keep it that way.
5. Do not invite your acquaintance to family or work functions. You do not want to send the wrong message to them or anyone else.
6. Remember a FWB is simply a known booty-call that you do not mind spending some time with.
7. If you or the other person begins to show signs of having feelings, discuss what you both want to do with this change. The only two viable answers are to become a couple or cut things off and move on. Any other option would lead to drama.
The most common mistake that people make when trying to have a successful “friends with benefits” relationship is that they do not realize that the word “friend” in the phrase “friends with benefits” should not be defined as what you normally think of as a friend. In my opinion, the title should be “acquaintance with benefits.” Once you forget that you and the person you just want to have sex with are nothing more than acquaintances that engage in sexual activities, then the whole attempt at being FWB is ruined. As a matter of fact, society should just be done with the phrase “friends with benefits” and go back to the 1990's and call the acts what they really are: booty-calls. I believe that if you simply change what you call the relationship, everything will be put into its proper place.
To make a booty-call relationship function you must keep your options open! If you are having sex with one person and devoting all of your time to them, then you are not only acquaintances, but also something more. You are what the Birds and Bee’s Staff call being stuck in the “gray area” (Refer to Communication: Avoiding the Gray Area). I’m not saying go out and find other sexual partners. However, you need to be actively engaged in the “Hunt” with more than one person if you plan to have a successful booty-call relationship. You need to be on the market with a sign on your forehead that reads “open for business”. You are single and still looking to mingle while in a booty-call relationship.
This tactic is a constant reminder to your acquaintance and yourself that you are still playing the field while reaping the benefits of what your acquaintance has to offer. The goal here is to not make yourself readily available whenever your acquaintance decides they want to “chill” or “watch a movie”. Remember the person in the relationship who cares the least always has the upper hand. If your acquaintance forgets that you two are just acquaintances, you need to refer them to the contract you two agreed on. If they want to renegotiate the contract, the only options should be to enter a monogamous relationship or go your separate ways.
Umm, sex without emotions is pointless?!?! Who told M.D that lie? Sex is a great exchange between two people when it is performed right. I also totally disagree that a man should be trying to touch the soul of every woman he sleeps with. A man should only be trying to touch the soul of a woman they are willing to call girlfriend, fiancé or wife. If you are not trying to call a woman one of those titles then you should be trying to make her believe you “Invented Sex”. You should want her to think, “He is the ‘Best I Ever Had’” as you make her “Bedrock” to “Birthday Sex”. The point of having sex without emotions is to satisfy your sexual appetite. We all have sexual urges and desires and sometimes (both men and women) just want to have an itch scratched without any emotions involved. Sex without emotions might not be the best sex but there is a point to it.
Drama only occurs in a booty-call relationship when the two parties do not understand how to make it work.
The booty-call relationship is NOT for everyone, by the way. booty-calls are NOT for you if:
1. You are really looking for a relationship and agreed to be a booty-call to keep the other person around. You will simply get your feelings HURT.
2. You are insecure. If want someone to say and do nice things for you outside of the bedroom then the booty-call relationship is not for you.
3. You are a controlling and overprotective person. The booty-call relationship is about not having control and you are controlling you will only push the other person away. The booty-call relationship is not for you.
4. You have a hard time moving on. If you are a clinger, the booty-call relationship is not for you. You will get left behind for another.