Bridging the Communication Gap

We decided the University of Richmond Campus wasn't a large enough bridge.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Q&A: “When is it Over Protective?”

Since this is the first, allow us to introduce the concept. You, the readers, email us questions at We, The Birds and the Bees' staff, answer them. Having four writers, perspectives, etc. means that we had to choose between either coming to a consensus or just responding independently. We chose the latter.

Question: I'm insanely curious about the logic behind guys being protective/over protective of your significant other. Do they think you're out cheating (Trust issue)... are they insecure... or do they just need to be in contact with you 24/7? [Context provided, but excluded for confidentiality reasons] is this going too far?!?! or am I just being naive (generally its the latter but I figured you guys could shed some light on my dilemma)


MD: The jealous beau dates back to when men fought to the death to win a woman's heart. Since history does tend to repeat itself, I think we all know the answer to this question points to one of the 7 Wonders of Relationships: insecurity. Reader, you have named several factors that often contribute to what many may consider to be the cause of jealousy (e.g. trust issues, one party being naïve, and another party being delusional). All of these factors lead up to and contribute to an insecurity that may have been caused by personal relationship experience or tales of the lonely and single, either way, without a discussion with your significant other, this can only get worse and become destructive to your relationship. Unless you're one of the millions of women out there that secretly enjoy this trait, and in that case, stay away from my Team and the other good guys out there before we receive another question similar to this one.

The Radical: As a(n) (over)protective boyfriend I have to say that we generally have the same kinds of reasons, but each of us have different behavioral manifestations of this (over)protectiveness, such that my unconcerned feelings about my girlfriend walking around, hanging out, and talking to guys when I'm not around [in close proximity (n)or in the same setting] doesn't particularly worry me because I trust her, but this trust does not extend to the guys she is interacting with, so when I am in observance of some behavior on his part that would signal that he is hitting on her I will (literally) step in. This isn't a trust issue that exists between her and me; instead it is a general distrust of other males since it holds true that "a dog is a dog." Some males have an oversensitivity brought on by having an attractive girlfriend called "My girlfriend is the sexiest woman in any room at any given time, so it stands to reason that other guys are going to hit on her because if I were them and saw her, even with her boyfriend (i.e. me) around, I would still try and hit on her" syndrome. Ladies, you thrive on less severe cases of this condition; however, severe symptoms exhibited by the male result in the ridiculous need to constantly be in touch, a latent, crippling fear of other men having opportunities to see/ hit on you, and, occasionally, lackluster performance in bed due to embedded insecurities in his comparative attractiveness and ability to satisfy you. Reader, if he cannot be reassured after one good night with continuous panted, sighed, and moaned exclamations of your being as his and his alone, then he is insecure and cannot be cured, so why waste the time on therapy?

The Watcher: A protective boyfriend is one who has insecurities of his own as a result of a previous experience or because of his desire to be in total control. He knows how other guys think and is fearful that the right guy will whisper the right words in your ear that will cause you to leave him. In order to prevent this from happening he attempts to instill fear in you by investigating everyone you come in contact with, constantly interrogating, and going through your life. It’s him, not you. He should count it as a compliment that men or women are attracted to you. Smothering you is a way of covering his issues.

Mr. SR...C: When it comes to protective/over protective males and females over their significant other there is a myriad of reasons. Could be infidelity in the past of their prior partner or infidelity that they themselves committed? Could be insecurity born from personal internal doubt? Could be that they’re crazy? No matter their reasoning it all comes down to a gross lack of trust. If you have to hound your significant other constantly when they are out of your physical reach and are scared of them being approached by interested parties, then you probably do not need to be with them or need to evaluate your personal issues with trust. Why would you not want your significant other to turn heads? Is that not a good reflection on you? Doesn’t the kid in the playground with the best water gun want the other kids to salivate over his Super Soaker X255000 with Dual blast technology and backpack tank? Without the foundation of trust a relationship is bound to be volatile and fail. Lack of trust is like termites in a home, silently destructive until the point where the house crumbles, but if caught before it’s too late there are measures that can save and make the home stronger.

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