There are times in everyone’s lives when they have a decision to make: the decision whether to do homework or not, drink or not, sleep or not, etc. Well, one of the biggest decisions is whether to be in a relationship or not.
People have all types of reasons to want to be in a relationship: love, security, companionship, cool thing to do, whatever. In the same breath, people have all types of reasons not to be in relationships: they enjoy being single, aren’t ready, haven’t found the right person or want to focus on themselves before making a commitment to someone else.
This notion of being in a relationship versus not being in one brings me back to my senior year of high school when I had more confidence in an idealistic relationship between two people. One of my favorite songs at the time was an obscure R&B song by Jim Jones featuring Rell called “Don’t Push Me Away.”
The day I found the song and took a listen, I felt as if it said everything I or anyone else might feel about a special person in their life. The song made me feel as if my soul had stepped into a mineral bath of understanding. Every lyric made perfect sense and flowed impeccably into the abyss of hard-edged romanticism. There was one portion of the song that stood out the most to me on my first, 10th and 2,300th time listening to the song.
That section went: “… and since the day that I found you, something about you, made me want to lose it and pound you, but it’s not just your body, it’s your mind, your spirit, everything combined, and while I got a chance, take my hand, let me know something real, that love you can feel …”
Now I expect that if you’ve decided to read this lyric you see it has one blaring raunchy reference. If you didn’t notice, the reference was “pound you,” and for the sake of those who may take it to be a little much, I will put the whole lyric in context for “pound you” to be better accepted.
First, this song is from a male point of view, but for the females out there I understand that there is some strong evidence that women know that they are going to have sex with a person in the first 10 minutes of meeting them. It may be incorrect, but I can see it.
I digress, but in the lyric it is saying that all that makes up this special person causes the singer to want to take the relationship to a sexual level and beyond, showing them a love that is unmatched. So the lyrics are not just based on the physical, as pointed out by the lines: “It’s not just your body, it’s your mind, your spirit, everything combined.”
The lyrics and the singer are meant to show that since the day that he met this special person, everything about him or her has made the singer enamored by his or her presence.
The way that this portion of the verse relates to being in or not being in a relationship is quite interesting. There are a lot of relationships out there that are based on people settling for their partners or a mutual settling for each other. That seems unacceptable to me.
This may go back to my idealized notion of relationships, but from the lyrics, if the person you are with does not make you want to “lose it and pound [him or her],” why are you with him or her? I don’t mean to use “pound [him or her]” as purely physical, but rather, as if you don’t want to just irrationally see him or her at times, miss him or her when he or she is away or have a strong need for his or her presence, you are wasting your time.
Settling to be with someone out of some need for companionship or a fear of being single is honestly as silly as an elephant riding a tricycle. I’m not trying to draw judgment, but a relationship based on someone settling just does not seem like one that would last.
Let me give you an example of settling in action. So Billy is interested in a particular female. Billy proceeds to let it be known that he is interested in the young lady in social settings and times when they make acquaintance. The young lady who Billy is interested in is intrigued by him, but seems intimidated for some reason. So, he decides to ask why they cannot get to know each other on a deeper level and her response is she has a boyfriend. (Womp womp.)
Now, I’m not promoting home wrecking, but he understands her situation and asks the simple question: Is she happy in her relationship? She pauses and has a lack of assurance about her situation so he presses and asks: Why is she in the relationship if she is not head over heels? Her answer: I know he will never cheat. To me, that says everything.
This is just one example, but I have female friends who use this excuse, female interests who have, and I have used this excuse and have heard it from other people, male and female alike. Never cheating is just one excuse to accept settling, but there are many others. To settle is to cheat yourself.
For men and women there is a fear of a lot of things from the opposite sex in a relationship. There can never be a love you can feel if you never allow yourself to be able to find that person.
Yes, there are times when physical intimacy can be the overall goal for a person, but if you’re looking for that special person, to accept someone below your criteria for safety reasons is to deny yourself complete happiness.
Contentment is not happiness and to use the example of settling because you know someone won’t cheat sounds like contentment. The whole premise of having a relationship solely based on the notion of not being able to fathom the other person cheating is usually based on the settler’s belief that their significant other is not a hot commodity.
This fear of having a relationship with someone who is a hot commodity stunts some people’s ability to find the right person for them. To settle is to let opportunity pass you by.
The intense lyrics are meant to promote a relationship that encompasses a commitment to your significant other because of their whole being. You should be invested in them, physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I may be a bit of an idealist, but I think to settle is to deny my opportunity to say, “When I have a chance, take my hand, let me show you something real, that love you can feel.”