By The Birds and the Bees' Staff and The Reader(s)
Since we began this blog we have come to notice a number of things about ourselves, our readers, and the blogging process. It’s understood within The Birds and the Bees’ Staff that comments are a bit of a pain to leave on this website if you aren't a member. We thoroughly appreciate all of your readership, especially when you interact with us via comments or emails. So far a couple readers have given us their personal responses via email to our lists through the lens of the feminine perspective. We decided to post these as individual posts to show our appreciation and give the rest of the readers a little insight into what other readers think.
The Reader(s)'s email reads:
“A - [The Bees: Thinking about Sex] is the best post in a while...congrats.
B - My friend and I came up with a list similar to the one posted under comments and a response to the original.
1. I said he can finish anywhere...I hope he knows that means not my face.
2. Will this interfere with my day tomorrow?
3. I sure hope this condom doesn't break. Wait...I sure hope he put on the condom!
4. What time does CVS open for the morning after pill?
5. What should I wear tomorrow?
6. I wonder what he is going to tell his friends. I hope he knows this hookup has nothing to do with that stupid line he said earlier.
7. Is he watching Sports Center as we fuck? Ha..I said Sports Center like I know what it is.
8. How long will he stay?...my outfit is going to require ironing in the morning.
9. What should I tell my friends...I'll boost him up just in case I need to use him again. This C + stroke will be a B+ to my friends.
10. I hope he knows that his book of 365 moves won't get past move 5.”
Keep sending us your responses and questions to thebirdsandthebees10@gmail.com. We do love hearing from you.
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Monday, August 22, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Your Link(s) to the Outside World
By The Birds and the Bees' Staff
Today's post is special for a few reasons. 1.) This is a Friday post outside of our usual schedule (we made it special just for you). 2.) This post gives you, the readers, insight into the things that The Birds and the Bees' Staff are reading to stay knowledgeable about the subject at hand. Here's the thing: if you want more of these, we have to know you do. Give us feedback on what you thought of the articles. We are constantly seeking to improve for your benefit, thus we read outside sources constantly. Here's a peek at our reading material.
“Hey, Researchers, It's Time to GET OVER Playboy's Depictions of Women” by Michael Castleman via Psychology Today
Media images bombard us in our every day life. Telling us what to wear, how to eat, smell, drink, and most frequently (and arguably most detrimentally) how to be attractive. And researchers are constantly studying how these images effect us on a group and individual level. Here's the catch: what if the images of beauty aren't keeping up with the societal development of a relative view of beauty? This is exactly what Castleman discusses by pointing out how old hat the study of Playboy's notions of beauty are since they are less a tell of societal understandings of beauty and more a show of Hefner's personal opinions of beauty.
“Are Online Flirtations Cheating or Not?" By Stacy Kaiser via USA Today
Flirting can now be displayed in various forms nowadays with the advancement of technology. We are not limited to just flirting in person or on the telephone in today's society. Flirting can be in the form of a winking smiley face in a text, a Facebook message or a twit pic. This is helpful to the introverted person who gets cotton mouth when talking in person. However this can be the downfall to many relationships. Flirting online or via text is just as bad as flirting with someone online.
“Translate Her Sex Sounds” by Kiera Aaron via Men's Health
This article caught our eye for an obvious reason. Our biggest question is whether this is true enough to make a general assumption. It also leads to the question of what are true signs of faking. We think the article is one that everyone should read in order to gain a handle on a situation that we (as men) often run into- deciphering the Sounds of Love Making.
"There's no Such Thing as a Home-Wrecker” via The Feminine Woman
How can you blame an outside source for infidelity in your relationship? Yes, there are those who prey on women and men in relationships, but then there are those who don't try very hard because the person in the relationship is interested. The point is your partner is cheating. It is your partner with whom you should be mad. We see a future article for The Birds and the Bees here.
We, The Birds and the Bees' Staff, hope you found these articles useful, informative, or at least entertaining. We clearly enjoyed them enough to share. But this is a trial run. If you'd like us to continue this let us know. More and more we realize that we write this blog for our own enjoyment, but its pointless without building an audience that enjoys our work. We want to provide you with worthwhile reading material, so let us know which of these articles was worth your while or if you even want us to continue providing links like this. Feedback. We want it. We need it. But more directly stated: we need you.
Today's post is special for a few reasons. 1.) This is a Friday post outside of our usual schedule (we made it special just for you). 2.) This post gives you, the readers, insight into the things that The Birds and the Bees' Staff are reading to stay knowledgeable about the subject at hand. Here's the thing: if you want more of these, we have to know you do. Give us feedback on what you thought of the articles. We are constantly seeking to improve for your benefit, thus we read outside sources constantly. Here's a peek at our reading material.
“Hey, Researchers, It's Time to GET OVER Playboy's Depictions of Women” by Michael Castleman via Psychology Today
Media images bombard us in our every day life. Telling us what to wear, how to eat, smell, drink, and most frequently (and arguably most detrimentally) how to be attractive. And researchers are constantly studying how these images effect us on a group and individual level. Here's the catch: what if the images of beauty aren't keeping up with the societal development of a relative view of beauty? This is exactly what Castleman discusses by pointing out how old hat the study of Playboy's notions of beauty are since they are less a tell of societal understandings of beauty and more a show of Hefner's personal opinions of beauty.
“Are Online Flirtations Cheating or Not?" By Stacy Kaiser via USA Today
Flirting can now be displayed in various forms nowadays with the advancement of technology. We are not limited to just flirting in person or on the telephone in today's society. Flirting can be in the form of a winking smiley face in a text, a Facebook message or a twit pic. This is helpful to the introverted person who gets cotton mouth when talking in person. However this can be the downfall to many relationships. Flirting online or via text is just as bad as flirting with someone online.
“Translate Her Sex Sounds” by Kiera Aaron via Men's Health
This article caught our eye for an obvious reason. Our biggest question is whether this is true enough to make a general assumption. It also leads to the question of what are true signs of faking. We think the article is one that everyone should read in order to gain a handle on a situation that we (as men) often run into- deciphering the Sounds of Love Making.
"There's no Such Thing as a Home-Wrecker” via The Feminine Woman
How can you blame an outside source for infidelity in your relationship? Yes, there are those who prey on women and men in relationships, but then there are those who don't try very hard because the person in the relationship is interested. The point is your partner is cheating. It is your partner with whom you should be mad. We see a future article for The Birds and the Bees here.
We, The Birds and the Bees' Staff, hope you found these articles useful, informative, or at least entertaining. We clearly enjoyed them enough to share. But this is a trial run. If you'd like us to continue this let us know. More and more we realize that we write this blog for our own enjoyment, but its pointless without building an audience that enjoys our work. We want to provide you with worthwhile reading material, so let us know which of these articles was worth your while or if you even want us to continue providing links like this. Feedback. We want it. We need it. But more directly stated: we need you.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
The Bees: Thinking about Sex
By The Birds and the Bees' Staff
A while back, a reader asked us unofficially, “What do guys think about during sex?” Since it was unofficial the reader never got a formal post, but the question did come up among The Birds and the Bees' Staff, so we compiled a list of example thoughts we've had during sex. We'll explain a few things after.
Sample Thoughts during Sexy Time:
1.) She said I can finish anywhere. I hope that includes her face.
2.) What the Smurf am I going to do after I finish Smurfing? Sleep? TV? Sandwich? Will I want to Smurf again?
3.) I sure hope this condom don't break
4.) How long do I want this to go?
5.) Should I change my wall color?
6.) I can't wait for brunch tomorrow to tell everybody the line this broad fell for.
7.) The cigarette after this will be soooo fucking good. Ha! I said fuck. No pun intended. Wait, if no pun was intended should I stop stroking? Fuck it.
8.) Purple is a good color.
9.) I wonder what she's going to tell her friends.
10.) How many positions is she going to let me put her in?
Sample Thoughts after Sexy Time:
1.) I hope no one sees me when I leave.
2.) I wonder how long its going to take for her to ask to do this again.
3.) I wonder what's OnDemand.
4.) She's not nearly as good as the girl yesterday.
5.) I should probably...uh... say something to her like “good job” or something.
If it's good, MD proposed the awe struck,
6.) …
Which The Radical argued always gets vocalized as
7.) [an exhausted, long-winded sigh breathed through an uncontrollable smile]
During sex a guy's mind alternates between thinking about what's going on in the moment and everything else in the world. Ladies might wonder why this is the case, but the answer is fairly simple. Once he is too wrapped up in the thoughts about the sex at hand, it's all over. Climax control is the man's main focus during sex and that means that his thoughts have to be elsewhere at times to control excitement levels. When guys say they can cum on command what they really mean is that they can decide to stop trying not to cum. So when you are having the time of your life and he has a look on his face that looks like the bastard child of confusion and enlightenment. It's not because he isn't into it. He just can't get too into it. Ladies, our considerations of the international global markets and their effect on the cost of our preferred post-coitus beverages during doggy style are for your sake, not because we are that concerned with the price of tea in China.
So Ladies, what do you think about during sex?
A while back, a reader asked us unofficially, “What do guys think about during sex?” Since it was unofficial the reader never got a formal post, but the question did come up among The Birds and the Bees' Staff, so we compiled a list of example thoughts we've had during sex. We'll explain a few things after.
Sample Thoughts during Sexy Time:
1.) She said I can finish anywhere. I hope that includes her face.
2.) What the Smurf am I going to do after I finish Smurfing? Sleep? TV? Sandwich? Will I want to Smurf again?
3.) I sure hope this condom don't break
4.) How long do I want this to go?
5.) Should I change my wall color?
6.) I can't wait for brunch tomorrow to tell everybody the line this broad fell for.
7.) The cigarette after this will be soooo fucking good. Ha! I said fuck. No pun intended. Wait, if no pun was intended should I stop stroking? Fuck it.
8.) Purple is a good color.
9.) I wonder what she's going to tell her friends.
10.) How many positions is she going to let me put her in?
Sample Thoughts after Sexy Time:
1.) I hope no one sees me when I leave.
2.) I wonder how long its going to take for her to ask to do this again.
3.) I wonder what's OnDemand.
4.) She's not nearly as good as the girl yesterday.
5.) I should probably...uh... say something to her like “good job” or something.
If it's good, MD proposed the awe struck,
6.) …
Which The Radical argued always gets vocalized as
7.) [an exhausted, long-winded sigh breathed through an uncontrollable smile]
During sex a guy's mind alternates between thinking about what's going on in the moment and everything else in the world. Ladies might wonder why this is the case, but the answer is fairly simple. Once he is too wrapped up in the thoughts about the sex at hand, it's all over. Climax control is the man's main focus during sex and that means that his thoughts have to be elsewhere at times to control excitement levels. When guys say they can cum on command what they really mean is that they can decide to stop trying not to cum. So when you are having the time of your life and he has a look on his face that looks like the bastard child of confusion and enlightenment. It's not because he isn't into it. He just can't get too into it. Ladies, our considerations of the international global markets and their effect on the cost of our preferred post-coitus beverages during doggy style are for your sake, not because we are that concerned with the price of tea in China.
So Ladies, what do you think about during sex?
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Q&A: Friends After the Fact
You may have noticed that we recently rearranged our schedule. Tuesdays and Thursdays are our regularly scheduled posts. We currently write under three major headers: “The Birds”, “The Bees”, and “Q&A”. “The Birds” is the weekly post every Tuesday rotating between the Birds and the Bees' Staff. Alternating as necessary, “The Bees” and “Q&A” are posted every Thursday. “The Bees” is the opportunity for any of the other three members of the Birds and the Bees Staff that weren't scheduled for the week to respond or simply get a thought off their chest. Kinda like Freestyle Fridays, but the prewriting is always better here with a much smoother delivery. “Q&A” is the same as always. For those of you not hip to the boogie, you send your question to thebirdsandthebees10@gmail.com and we respond. Now you even know when to expect answers.
Without further ado...
Question: So I've been thinking recently, especially after reading the last two posts centered around the FWBs of the world, and also some of my own personal run-ins/encounters of late-- is it ever truly possible to develop and/or maintain a friendship post messing around? I feel like it's always addressed when it comes to friendship post an actual bf/gf relationship, but what about when you're in the FWB zone heavy for a couple of months and it dissipates for whatever reason-- does that mean cut all ties forever or what?
Answers:
The Watcher: This is a very sticky situation all around. There are so many variables that have to be accounted for that it is difficult to give you a clear yes or no answer. The best thing to do is to treat your former hook up as if they lived half way across the world. Stay in touch from time to time, small talk. Anything beyond this and you run the risk of stirring up old flames which can cause you to go around the "Mulberry Bush" once again.
MD:Yes, the point was to be able to be friends after it was all said and done, but let’s be honest, when
do things ever go according to plan? It would be nice to have a friendship with the person, but when you begin a future relationship, how are you going to explain your connection with your previous FWB? If you say that you won’t mention that part, realize that your new relationship is built on lies- evasion of the truth is a lie; and, if you do mention it, your current counterpart will always question your friendship in the back of their mind. So yes, it would be nice, but not realistic.
The Radical: There is a clear distinction between someone you fuck on a consistent basis but aren't dating and a friend with benefits. Someone you are fucking gets cut when you're done fucking. A friend with benefits is in the gray area when the two parties decide to remove the benefits from their relationship. You can try and go back to just being friends. Good luck. This requires the removal of the sexual attraction that was once there. Why? Because you have set a precedent and once that's there it's much harder to come up with good answers to “Why aren't we having sex right now?” It's been done before, but there has to be good reason for you two to not have sex, like a disfiguring car accident or the contraction of some STD... or one of you starts dating someone else. Be wary, that last reason still may not protect you.
Mr. SR...C: It is possible to maintain a friendship post genital to genital combat as long as both sides are not jealous of the others' future conquests. Honestly, the only reasons to cut all ties from a FWB situation are that one of the parties is too emotionally invested in the other or the ability to watch the other with a new partner drives one crazy. It’s simple, very simple, but most lose sight of that and, in turn, ruin the possibility of a friendship. If you are catching feelings please voice so immediately to avoid complications. We avid proponents of the beauty of FWBs would love a couple weeks notice to ease off of habitually blowing your back out. Just ease off the usage after you realize you have caught feelings and using a mutually understood technique friendship can hopefully still happen. Plus going cold turkey sucks, unless you have a couple of tenderonis on standby.
Hmmmmmm Tenderonis….
Without further ado...
Question: So I've been thinking recently, especially after reading the last two posts centered around the FWBs of the world, and also some of my own personal run-ins/encounters of late-- is it ever truly possible to develop and/or maintain a friendship post messing around? I feel like it's always addressed when it comes to friendship post an actual bf/gf relationship, but what about when you're in the FWB zone heavy for a couple of months and it dissipates for whatever reason-- does that mean cut all ties forever or what?
Answers:
The Watcher: This is a very sticky situation all around. There are so many variables that have to be accounted for that it is difficult to give you a clear yes or no answer. The best thing to do is to treat your former hook up as if they lived half way across the world. Stay in touch from time to time, small talk. Anything beyond this and you run the risk of stirring up old flames which can cause you to go around the "Mulberry Bush" once again.
MD:Yes, the point was to be able to be friends after it was all said and done, but let’s be honest, when
do things ever go according to plan? It would be nice to have a friendship with the person, but when you begin a future relationship, how are you going to explain your connection with your previous FWB? If you say that you won’t mention that part, realize that your new relationship is built on lies- evasion of the truth is a lie; and, if you do mention it, your current counterpart will always question your friendship in the back of their mind. So yes, it would be nice, but not realistic.
The Radical: There is a clear distinction between someone you fuck on a consistent basis but aren't dating and a friend with benefits. Someone you are fucking gets cut when you're done fucking. A friend with benefits is in the gray area when the two parties decide to remove the benefits from their relationship. You can try and go back to just being friends. Good luck. This requires the removal of the sexual attraction that was once there. Why? Because you have set a precedent and once that's there it's much harder to come up with good answers to “Why aren't we having sex right now?” It's been done before, but there has to be good reason for you two to not have sex, like a disfiguring car accident or the contraction of some STD... or one of you starts dating someone else. Be wary, that last reason still may not protect you.
Mr. SR...C: It is possible to maintain a friendship post genital to genital combat as long as both sides are not jealous of the others' future conquests. Honestly, the only reasons to cut all ties from a FWB situation are that one of the parties is too emotionally invested in the other or the ability to watch the other with a new partner drives one crazy. It’s simple, very simple, but most lose sight of that and, in turn, ruin the possibility of a friendship. If you are catching feelings please voice so immediately to avoid complications. We avid proponents of the beauty of FWBs would love a couple weeks notice to ease off of habitually blowing your back out. Just ease off the usage after you realize you have caught feelings and using a mutually understood technique friendship can hopefully still happen. Plus going cold turkey sucks, unless you have a couple of tenderonis on standby.
Hmmmmmm Tenderonis….
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
The Birds: Sexual Compatibility is Essential, Hence all the Flocking Together
By The Radical
Given the focused subject matters of The Birds and the Bees' blog, it only makes sense that we continually attempt to remain knowledgeable and decently read on the subject, so I found myself reading things online and came across Hot Alpha Female's (HAF) blog. Particularly, her post titled “The Irrelevance of Sexual Compatibility.” Let me state plainly, I disagree.
Having said that, I completely agree with her statement that “[t]he core things that are required to create the solid foundation of a relationship are shared values, open lines of communication, unconditional acceptance, honesty, courage, emotional maturity, and the need and desire for both people to put their relationship first.” While the amalgamation of these things are a solid foundation for a relationship, they are hardly cumulative into sexual compatibility.
To avoid a crucial mistake that allows HAF to make many of her arguments there is a need to define “sexual compatibility” as an independent concept to be discussed. Busby et al. (2010) define “sexual chemistry” as “ a 'mysterious, physical, emotional, and sexual state' that when present in a relationship creates something 'unique and explosive'” (pg 767). I will take this a step further granting this definition with finer applications of context to define the concept at hand. This undefinable “something” has certain conditions necessary for it to be present in a relationship. When these conditions are met, then sexual chemistry becomes sexual compatibility. The crux of this distinction is “compatibility.”
Compatibility is the rhetorical crux of this distinction. The primary distinguishing feature in practice is everything sexual beyond missionary position in a private room with the lights off. I do mean everything sexual. Outside of sex at its simplest, compatibility becomes a factor beyond the sexual chemistry of two people. It might fit like lock and key, but it has to unlock the door.
Where compatibility really matters is that space in time when you decide to move beyond the most basic of sexual practices. HAF indicates that the lack of sexual compatibility is actually a symptom of a breakdown of the aforementioned key components of a relationship's foundation. HAF goes on to say that “ a healthy relationship will have a healthy sex life.” This line is the clear indication of the assumption of a correlation in which a couple's sex life is the dependent variable attached to the facets of their relationship's “foundation”. Foolishness.
HAF soon expresses what she feels to be the root cause of sexual incompatibility: “the woman withholding the true expression of her femininity – and the absence of a strong masculine energy to draw it out.” This masculine and feminine dynamic becomes the base cause of relationship breakdown, which pushes sexual incompatibility to the furthest background as a symptom of other symptoms. If this doesn't make sense to you, that's okay because it doesn’t make sense to me either.
So the expression of the two partners' (in a heterosexual relationship) masculine and feminine energies is what makes for good sex? In her section titled “Understanding a woman 101,” HAF provides a fuller description of how the masculine and feminine energies interact: “You project. She Absorbs.” The feminine energy which erupts as sexual energy is controlled by the masculine energy. This is a dominant and submissive relationship in which the male partner acts as the catalyst that unlocks the “little sex kitten” in the woman, thus making sexual compatibility a matter of constant male dominance and reciprocated female submission, suggesting further that the male's dominance must be over the woman “emotionally, mentally, and intellectually” since these are the areas which HAF emphasizes as the crucial components for sexual compatibility. Although I agree that every relationship has characteristics of a dominant and submissive relationship, HAF is off base in her interpretation of how these characteristics are engaged within a relationship.
Think I have misconstrued HAF's interpretation by clearly highlighting the the aspects of dominance and submission? Read again HAF's statement that “[i]f you can continually re-establish, nourish, and protect her safety on all levels she will have no reason to withhold [sex].” HAF shows here that there is the need for the dominant masculine energy to engulf the feminine energy such that a persistent safety net secures the woman's emotional availability for sex. Even her sexual desires are muted in the face of the overwhelmingly dominant masculine energy,
“When a woman feels comfort, safety, protection, excitement, and happiness about herself in relation to a man and the relationship she will DO ANYTHING to keep that man happy. Her preferences of what she likes and does not like will go out the window.”
To state plainly HAF's meaning as read, control her emotionally and you control her pussy. Not an original theory really since Bobby and Ike suggested the same thing many years ago (and were quite successful for it).
Alright, enough with the dry literary analysis. Let's get to the point proper. Sexual compatibility is crucial in any relationship, not as an afterthought, not as a third tier symptom of borderline spousal abuse, and certainly not as a product of these obscure, ephemeral masculine and feminine energies. Two parties enter into a relationship in which they meet in a variety of areas, one of which being the shared desires for sex at a similar pace and in a similar style. The hyper-aggressive dominatrix will not do well with the hyper-masculine male with no desire to submit in the bedroom. Neither desire what is called “vanilla” sex, but neither of them play the role to submit to the other. This makes for an awkward bedroom excursion in which a fight just might break out.
Fellas, when your next random hook-up punches you in the face pre-orgasm, you will or will not like it. If this is what she needs to get off, no matter how many times you can recite to her her favorite foods, movies, and books, your fulfillment of her “emotional needs” still won't get her rocks off unless you enjoy or at least continuously allow her blunt faceshots. And here is where compatibility matters. Is she going to condemn herself to the duration of a relationship without an orgasm? Shit, I wouldnt. Then again how many girls have slept with me and I've just never done it for them? Ladies feel free to comment and let me know.
Sexual compatibility is slightly different from sexual chemistry in that it is what goes beyond the levels that HAF focuses on in her article. The sexual chemistry that one can feel during a first date across a dinner table is completely different than the sexual compatibility that one may or may not feel when you find yourself at their house later that evening walking into their bedroom finely decorated with hardcore, tentacle Hentai posters as they exhaustively describe the school girl costume they would like you to wear during sex. If gooey demonic appendages entering your orifices in the most aggressive of ways isn't your thing, then what about the pleasant dinner conversation has suddenly made it so?
Exactly.
Given the focused subject matters of The Birds and the Bees' blog, it only makes sense that we continually attempt to remain knowledgeable and decently read on the subject, so I found myself reading things online and came across Hot Alpha Female's (HAF) blog. Particularly, her post titled “The Irrelevance of Sexual Compatibility.” Let me state plainly, I disagree.
Having said that, I completely agree with her statement that “[t]he core things that are required to create the solid foundation of a relationship are shared values, open lines of communication, unconditional acceptance, honesty, courage, emotional maturity, and the need and desire for both people to put their relationship first.” While the amalgamation of these things are a solid foundation for a relationship, they are hardly cumulative into sexual compatibility.
To avoid a crucial mistake that allows HAF to make many of her arguments there is a need to define “sexual compatibility” as an independent concept to be discussed. Busby et al. (2010) define “sexual chemistry” as “ a 'mysterious, physical, emotional, and sexual state' that when present in a relationship creates something 'unique and explosive'” (pg 767). I will take this a step further granting this definition with finer applications of context to define the concept at hand. This undefinable “something” has certain conditions necessary for it to be present in a relationship. When these conditions are met, then sexual chemistry becomes sexual compatibility. The crux of this distinction is “compatibility.”
Compatibility is the rhetorical crux of this distinction. The primary distinguishing feature in practice is everything sexual beyond missionary position in a private room with the lights off. I do mean everything sexual. Outside of sex at its simplest, compatibility becomes a factor beyond the sexual chemistry of two people. It might fit like lock and key, but it has to unlock the door.
Where compatibility really matters is that space in time when you decide to move beyond the most basic of sexual practices. HAF indicates that the lack of sexual compatibility is actually a symptom of a breakdown of the aforementioned key components of a relationship's foundation. HAF goes on to say that “ a healthy relationship will have a healthy sex life.” This line is the clear indication of the assumption of a correlation in which a couple's sex life is the dependent variable attached to the facets of their relationship's “foundation”. Foolishness.
HAF soon expresses what she feels to be the root cause of sexual incompatibility: “the woman withholding the true expression of her femininity – and the absence of a strong masculine energy to draw it out.” This masculine and feminine dynamic becomes the base cause of relationship breakdown, which pushes sexual incompatibility to the furthest background as a symptom of other symptoms. If this doesn't make sense to you, that's okay because it doesn’t make sense to me either.
So the expression of the two partners' (in a heterosexual relationship) masculine and feminine energies is what makes for good sex? In her section titled “Understanding a woman 101,” HAF provides a fuller description of how the masculine and feminine energies interact: “You project. She Absorbs.” The feminine energy which erupts as sexual energy is controlled by the masculine energy. This is a dominant and submissive relationship in which the male partner acts as the catalyst that unlocks the “little sex kitten” in the woman, thus making sexual compatibility a matter of constant male dominance and reciprocated female submission, suggesting further that the male's dominance must be over the woman “emotionally, mentally, and intellectually” since these are the areas which HAF emphasizes as the crucial components for sexual compatibility. Although I agree that every relationship has characteristics of a dominant and submissive relationship, HAF is off base in her interpretation of how these characteristics are engaged within a relationship.
Think I have misconstrued HAF's interpretation by clearly highlighting the the aspects of dominance and submission? Read again HAF's statement that “[i]f you can continually re-establish, nourish, and protect her safety on all levels she will have no reason to withhold [sex].” HAF shows here that there is the need for the dominant masculine energy to engulf the feminine energy such that a persistent safety net secures the woman's emotional availability for sex. Even her sexual desires are muted in the face of the overwhelmingly dominant masculine energy,
“When a woman feels comfort, safety, protection, excitement, and happiness about herself in relation to a man and the relationship she will DO ANYTHING to keep that man happy. Her preferences of what she likes and does not like will go out the window.”
To state plainly HAF's meaning as read, control her emotionally and you control her pussy. Not an original theory really since Bobby and Ike suggested the same thing many years ago (and were quite successful for it).
Alright, enough with the dry literary analysis. Let's get to the point proper. Sexual compatibility is crucial in any relationship, not as an afterthought, not as a third tier symptom of borderline spousal abuse, and certainly not as a product of these obscure, ephemeral masculine and feminine energies. Two parties enter into a relationship in which they meet in a variety of areas, one of which being the shared desires for sex at a similar pace and in a similar style. The hyper-aggressive dominatrix will not do well with the hyper-masculine male with no desire to submit in the bedroom. Neither desire what is called “vanilla” sex, but neither of them play the role to submit to the other. This makes for an awkward bedroom excursion in which a fight just might break out.
Fellas, when your next random hook-up punches you in the face pre-orgasm, you will or will not like it. If this is what she needs to get off, no matter how many times you can recite to her her favorite foods, movies, and books, your fulfillment of her “emotional needs” still won't get her rocks off unless you enjoy or at least continuously allow her blunt faceshots. And here is where compatibility matters. Is she going to condemn herself to the duration of a relationship without an orgasm? Shit, I wouldnt. Then again how many girls have slept with me and I've just never done it for them? Ladies feel free to comment and let me know.
Sexual compatibility is slightly different from sexual chemistry in that it is what goes beyond the levels that HAF focuses on in her article. The sexual chemistry that one can feel during a first date across a dinner table is completely different than the sexual compatibility that one may or may not feel when you find yourself at their house later that evening walking into their bedroom finely decorated with hardcore, tentacle Hentai posters as they exhaustively describe the school girl costume they would like you to wear during sex. If gooey demonic appendages entering your orifices in the most aggressive of ways isn't your thing, then what about the pleasant dinner conversation has suddenly made it so?
Exactly.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
The Bees: Know Your “Benefits” Package
By The Watcher
I'm with M.D when he says that the friend with benefits (FWB) relationship does not work. However, I do believe that the theory behind FWB can work if both parties involved know the rules. In this article I will rebut the previous article, “The Birds: The S.E.X.” You can have a just sex relationship without emotions. It is possible to achieve. Do not let those who have failed to have a successful FWB relationship steer you in the wrong direction. Don’t be fooled. Don’t be swindled. Take it from someone with years of experience in being friends with women while sharing the perk of giving and receiving some special benefits behind closed doors. Get ready to take notes because I am going to break down how the theory behind the FWB relationship can work when it is done the right way. Here are the rules you MUST follow:
1. Find your acquaintance outside your current circle of friends that you have little to no connection with. The further outside your circle the better. You do not need to see them constantly. Therefore co-workers should NOT be in your selection pool. And they should never be an EX.
2. Negotiate a contract so that both of you agree and understand that you two are acquaintances and can hang out with whomever you want and you can sleep with whomever you want.
3. Continuously keep your options open. You are single throughout this whole relationship, so act like it.
4. Do not go on dates alone with your acquaintance whether they are romantic or not. If you two plan on hanging out in public, make sure it is with other people. You two are not trying to court each other, so why do you need to go out to dinner and a movie? You are acquaintances keep it that way.
5. Do not invite your acquaintance to family or work functions. You do not want to send the wrong message to them or anyone else.
6. Remember a FWB is simply a known booty-call that you do not mind spending some time with.
7. If you or the other person begins to show signs of having feelings, discuss what you both want to do with this change. The only two viable answers are to become a couple or cut things off and move on. Any other option would lead to drama.
The most common mistake that people make when trying to have a successful “friends with benefits” relationship is that they do not realize that the word “friend” in the phrase “friends with benefits” should not be defined as what you normally think of as a friend. In my opinion, the title should be “acquaintance with benefits.” Once you forget that you and the person you just want to have sex with are nothing more than acquaintances that engage in sexual activities, then the whole attempt at being FWB is ruined. As a matter of fact, society should just be done with the phrase “friends with benefits” and go back to the 1990's and call the acts what they really are: booty-calls. I believe that if you simply change what you call the relationship, everything will be put into its proper place.
To make a booty-call relationship function you must keep your options open! If you are having sex with one person and devoting all of your time to them, then you are not only acquaintances, but also something more. You are what the Birds and Bee’s Staff call being stuck in the “gray area” (Refer to Communication: Avoiding the Gray Area). I’m not saying go out and find other sexual partners. However, you need to be actively engaged in the “Hunt” with more than one person if you plan to have a successful booty-call relationship. You need to be on the market with a sign on your forehead that reads “open for business”. You are single and still looking to mingle while in a booty-call relationship.
This tactic is a constant reminder to your acquaintance and yourself that you are still playing the field while reaping the benefits of what your acquaintance has to offer. The goal here is to not make yourself readily available whenever your acquaintance decides they want to “chill” or “watch a movie”. Remember the person in the relationship who cares the least always has the upper hand. If your acquaintance forgets that you two are just acquaintances, you need to refer them to the contract you two agreed on. If they want to renegotiate the contract, the only options should be to enter a monogamous relationship or go your separate ways.
Umm, sex without emotions is pointless?!?! Who told M.D that lie? Sex is a great exchange between two people when it is performed right. I also totally disagree that a man should be trying to touch the soul of every woman he sleeps with. A man should only be trying to touch the soul of a woman they are willing to call girlfriend, fiancé or wife. If you are not trying to call a woman one of those titles then you should be trying to make her believe you “Invented Sex”. You should want her to think, “He is the ‘Best I Ever Had’” as you make her “Bedrock” to “Birthday Sex”. The point of having sex without emotions is to satisfy your sexual appetite. We all have sexual urges and desires and sometimes (both men and women) just want to have an itch scratched without any emotions involved. Sex without emotions might not be the best sex but there is a point to it.
Drama only occurs in a booty-call relationship when the two parties do not understand how to make it work.
The booty-call relationship is NOT for everyone, by the way. booty-calls are NOT for you if:
1. You are really looking for a relationship and agreed to be a booty-call to keep the other person around. You will simply get your feelings HURT.
2. You are insecure. If want someone to say and do nice things for you outside of the bedroom then the booty-call relationship is not for you.
3. You are a controlling and overprotective person. The booty-call relationship is about not having control and you are controlling you will only push the other person away. The booty-call relationship is not for you.
4. You have a hard time moving on. If you are a clinger, the booty-call relationship is not for you. You will get left behind for another.
I'm with M.D when he says that the friend with benefits (FWB) relationship does not work. However, I do believe that the theory behind FWB can work if both parties involved know the rules. In this article I will rebut the previous article, “The Birds: The S.E.X.” You can have a just sex relationship without emotions. It is possible to achieve. Do not let those who have failed to have a successful FWB relationship steer you in the wrong direction. Don’t be fooled. Don’t be swindled. Take it from someone with years of experience in being friends with women while sharing the perk of giving and receiving some special benefits behind closed doors. Get ready to take notes because I am going to break down how the theory behind the FWB relationship can work when it is done the right way. Here are the rules you MUST follow:
1. Find your acquaintance outside your current circle of friends that you have little to no connection with. The further outside your circle the better. You do not need to see them constantly. Therefore co-workers should NOT be in your selection pool. And they should never be an EX.
2. Negotiate a contract so that both of you agree and understand that you two are acquaintances and can hang out with whomever you want and you can sleep with whomever you want.
3. Continuously keep your options open. You are single throughout this whole relationship, so act like it.
4. Do not go on dates alone with your acquaintance whether they are romantic or not. If you two plan on hanging out in public, make sure it is with other people. You two are not trying to court each other, so why do you need to go out to dinner and a movie? You are acquaintances keep it that way.
5. Do not invite your acquaintance to family or work functions. You do not want to send the wrong message to them or anyone else.
6. Remember a FWB is simply a known booty-call that you do not mind spending some time with.
7. If you or the other person begins to show signs of having feelings, discuss what you both want to do with this change. The only two viable answers are to become a couple or cut things off and move on. Any other option would lead to drama.
The most common mistake that people make when trying to have a successful “friends with benefits” relationship is that they do not realize that the word “friend” in the phrase “friends with benefits” should not be defined as what you normally think of as a friend. In my opinion, the title should be “acquaintance with benefits.” Once you forget that you and the person you just want to have sex with are nothing more than acquaintances that engage in sexual activities, then the whole attempt at being FWB is ruined. As a matter of fact, society should just be done with the phrase “friends with benefits” and go back to the 1990's and call the acts what they really are: booty-calls. I believe that if you simply change what you call the relationship, everything will be put into its proper place.
To make a booty-call relationship function you must keep your options open! If you are having sex with one person and devoting all of your time to them, then you are not only acquaintances, but also something more. You are what the Birds and Bee’s Staff call being stuck in the “gray area” (Refer to Communication: Avoiding the Gray Area). I’m not saying go out and find other sexual partners. However, you need to be actively engaged in the “Hunt” with more than one person if you plan to have a successful booty-call relationship. You need to be on the market with a sign on your forehead that reads “open for business”. You are single and still looking to mingle while in a booty-call relationship.
This tactic is a constant reminder to your acquaintance and yourself that you are still playing the field while reaping the benefits of what your acquaintance has to offer. The goal here is to not make yourself readily available whenever your acquaintance decides they want to “chill” or “watch a movie”. Remember the person in the relationship who cares the least always has the upper hand. If your acquaintance forgets that you two are just acquaintances, you need to refer them to the contract you two agreed on. If they want to renegotiate the contract, the only options should be to enter a monogamous relationship or go your separate ways.
Umm, sex without emotions is pointless?!?! Who told M.D that lie? Sex is a great exchange between two people when it is performed right. I also totally disagree that a man should be trying to touch the soul of every woman he sleeps with. A man should only be trying to touch the soul of a woman they are willing to call girlfriend, fiancé or wife. If you are not trying to call a woman one of those titles then you should be trying to make her believe you “Invented Sex”. You should want her to think, “He is the ‘Best I Ever Had’” as you make her “Bedrock” to “Birthday Sex”. The point of having sex without emotions is to satisfy your sexual appetite. We all have sexual urges and desires and sometimes (both men and women) just want to have an itch scratched without any emotions involved. Sex without emotions might not be the best sex but there is a point to it.
Drama only occurs in a booty-call relationship when the two parties do not understand how to make it work.
The booty-call relationship is NOT for everyone, by the way. booty-calls are NOT for you if:
1. You are really looking for a relationship and agreed to be a booty-call to keep the other person around. You will simply get your feelings HURT.
2. You are insecure. If want someone to say and do nice things for you outside of the bedroom then the booty-call relationship is not for you.
3. You are a controlling and overprotective person. The booty-call relationship is about not having control and you are controlling you will only push the other person away. The booty-call relationship is not for you.
4. You have a hard time moving on. If you are a clinger, the booty-call relationship is not for you. You will get left behind for another.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The Birds: The S.E.X.
By MD
With blockbuster hits coming out this year (No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits, aka FWB), I began wondering why just sex or the hook-up relationship does not work. In theory, it should work better than the traditional relationship. Two individuals are in agreement that emotions should not be involved and that they are solely seeking the physical portion of a relationship. I have not seen FWB, but I have seen No Strings Attached and it portrayed a similar situation that myself and several of my friends have been a part of. In the beginning, it is the best "decision" that could have been made and everyone is envious of you; but eventually, The Social and Emotional eXchange takes place.
Although many people deny the possibility of this taking place, the fact of the matter is, sex changes things. In every situation, two people are making a social and emotional connection.
The social exchange comes when the two individuals expect their relationship to solely take place in private or in the bedroom; and, for both parties to feel comfortable not acknowledging their situation in public situations. Therefore the entire relationship must be built on a lack of details, and we all know that is impossible in this day and age. Facebook, Google+, Twitter, and FourSquare make keeping details out of a relationship an unrealistic goal. These media sites became and are becoming popular as a result of a society built on the transmission of information and gossip. But if by some miracle, two individuals are able to withstand the social connection, they always seem to understate the emotional connection.
When drawing up the plans to this oasis or perfect relationship, the emotional exchange does not take place. Emotions are usually lumped together with the social aspect; therefore, elimination of the former will automatically destroy the latter. However, this takes place inside the bedroom, in addition to, social encounters. Let's face it, sex without emotion is pointless. One of my good friends once told me, "Every man's goal should be to touch the soul of a woman." To our female readers, next time you ask yourself why your male friend is with a psycho, you now have your reasoning. Emotions cannot be looked at as simply words because they're much more than 'I love you.' Anyone can say those three words, it takes a lot more to actually join an untamed mentality and become one. The use of the “L-word” is for another blog post in the future, but it leads to the point that somewhere down the line, one of the two untamed, loose-spirited individuals involved in the relationship will develop a spark without the Trojan or Lifestyle (or Brooklyn’s Finest for our New Yorkers out there). At another time in the relationship, someone will experience a sense of jealously after seeing or hear that their FWB went home with someone else or has feelings for someone else. Because it is at these points that one party realizes that they want more from their “sex buddy” and that they are lacking a skill/trait that another person does have in their repertoire.
There are only two solutions to the drama of a FWB situation: 1) the drama of a relationship or 2) a one-night-stand (two if it's that good). I'm not saying all relationships are drama-filled, but show me a perfect relationship and I'll show you a problem. Honestly, the only difference between drama from sex only relationships and an actual relationship is the title. And the difference between a one night stand and a sex only relationship are the emotions attached. The Facebook stalking will still take place, but no one can cry or pout over what they never had. So make wise decisions and realize that ignorance is not always bliss. Remember that Facebook has also ruined our ability to remain anonymous. And emotionless sex is not for the emotionally unstable.
With blockbuster hits coming out this year (No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits, aka FWB), I began wondering why just sex or the hook-up relationship does not work. In theory, it should work better than the traditional relationship. Two individuals are in agreement that emotions should not be involved and that they are solely seeking the physical portion of a relationship. I have not seen FWB, but I have seen No Strings Attached and it portrayed a similar situation that myself and several of my friends have been a part of. In the beginning, it is the best "decision" that could have been made and everyone is envious of you; but eventually, The Social and Emotional eXchange takes place.
Although many people deny the possibility of this taking place, the fact of the matter is, sex changes things. In every situation, two people are making a social and emotional connection.
The social exchange comes when the two individuals expect their relationship to solely take place in private or in the bedroom; and, for both parties to feel comfortable not acknowledging their situation in public situations. Therefore the entire relationship must be built on a lack of details, and we all know that is impossible in this day and age. Facebook, Google+, Twitter, and FourSquare make keeping details out of a relationship an unrealistic goal. These media sites became and are becoming popular as a result of a society built on the transmission of information and gossip. But if by some miracle, two individuals are able to withstand the social connection, they always seem to understate the emotional connection.
When drawing up the plans to this oasis or perfect relationship, the emotional exchange does not take place. Emotions are usually lumped together with the social aspect; therefore, elimination of the former will automatically destroy the latter. However, this takes place inside the bedroom, in addition to, social encounters. Let's face it, sex without emotion is pointless. One of my good friends once told me, "Every man's goal should be to touch the soul of a woman." To our female readers, next time you ask yourself why your male friend is with a psycho, you now have your reasoning. Emotions cannot be looked at as simply words because they're much more than 'I love you.' Anyone can say those three words, it takes a lot more to actually join an untamed mentality and become one. The use of the “L-word” is for another blog post in the future, but it leads to the point that somewhere down the line, one of the two untamed, loose-spirited individuals involved in the relationship will develop a spark without the Trojan or Lifestyle (or Brooklyn’s Finest for our New Yorkers out there). At another time in the relationship, someone will experience a sense of jealously after seeing or hear that their FWB went home with someone else or has feelings for someone else. Because it is at these points that one party realizes that they want more from their “sex buddy” and that they are lacking a skill/trait that another person does have in their repertoire.
There are only two solutions to the drama of a FWB situation: 1) the drama of a relationship or 2) a one-night-stand (two if it's that good). I'm not saying all relationships are drama-filled, but show me a perfect relationship and I'll show you a problem. Honestly, the only difference between drama from sex only relationships and an actual relationship is the title. And the difference between a one night stand and a sex only relationship are the emotions attached. The Facebook stalking will still take place, but no one can cry or pout over what they never had. So make wise decisions and realize that ignorance is not always bliss. Remember that Facebook has also ruined our ability to remain anonymous. And emotionless sex is not for the emotionally unstable.
Friday, June 24, 2011
We Need Sex: Research
By A Member of the Birds and Bees' Staff
What is it that constitutes sex in a relationship? I once had an argument with a girlfriend because she saw me holding another girl's hand (platonically). Not sex, but if this is enough to for her to complain that I was freely distributing my affection, than surely there is a similar interpretation of sex out there. “No, baby, I did not have sex with that woman. It was just a blowjob. If Congress doesn't consider that sex how can you?” And so forth. Where is the brightline on sex?
This brightline is necessary for considerations beyond cheating. Long distance lovers find this to be very true very quickly. Mutual masturbation via Skype, oovoo or iChat may be all that is needed for some to continue having their sexual needs met even though their partner is far from them. Others find that text cyber sex is the best way to roleplay through fantasies. The act of masturbation is undisclosed and there are many more possibilities. The alternative of phone sex adds the element of voice while still avoiding the potential awkwardness of watching a lover touch themselves in their favorite way (more often than not a way very different than how you've been doing it all this time). But are these even sex? Sure they generate and possibly redirect sexual energy that has been building, but do they satisfy the need for sex?
There is a need for me to do some research and give deep thought to my upcoming article. Please join me in a bit of reader participation in creating the data to which I will apply my personal theories. The following survey is asking you about the importance of sex in a relationship. I have a thought about it and I want you to prove me right or wrong in numbers. Don't worry, I know that you guys will hold to exactly what I know to be true. And don't try and prove me wrong. You've already gotten the wrong idea about my goal.
Here's the survey link...here.
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